How would Doomsday pass in Russia?

The plot of “Doomsday Night” is very interestingly interpreted in the fairy tale of Dmitry Haiduk

About The First Snow

There is an island in one ocean where everything is nishtyak. Although the climate on that island is not heavenly: in winter it is colder and the wind blows, in summer it rains every other day, and cyclones-all sorts of hurricanes, and earthquakes are serious, and sometimes a tsunami rolls in! and how everything looks into the ocean! But the islanders are not worried about these topics: they have been living there for a long time, and they have long been accustomed to their problems and learned how to solve them. And they believe that everything is as it should be.

They call their island Ysia (with an emphasis on the last syllable), which means “Happiness”in their language. That is, this word means a lot of things: “order”, “freedom”,” dryness”,” beauty”,” truth”,” justice”, and a rare variety of sea urchin, which is found only near the island of Ysia.

We need to tell you more about the hedgehog: it is a cult animal for local residents. The most venomous thing in the entire ocean: if a thorn gets stuck in the leg, a person will die in an hour, and if, say, in a vein or in the tongue, then in general in ten minutes. Every adult islander has such a thorn with them at all times, in case they suddenly need to die quickly and beautifully. Suicide is not a sin for them, but rather the opposite. They say, ” Happy is he who has power over his own death.” They didn't kill themselves that often: now they have a normal standard of living, it's not a problem to survive the winter. Here in the old days, they say, it was in the order of things: in late autumn, the old people massively left their lives so that the young could live until spring. They do not believe in the afterlife, so they are not afraid to die at all.

The laws of Ysyan are very simple: anyone who kills, robs, steals, maims people, rapes children, or eats human flesh is branded on the forehead, and after that he is no longer considered a person. Everyone can kill it and even eat it if they want to. And they also have this custom: once a year, when the first snow falls, all laws are canceled for one day. That is, from dawn to dusk, anyone can rob, kill, rape and eat anyone, and for this they will get nothing. This is considered a holy day for them, and it is called simply and specifically: The First Snow. Previously, it was celebrated really hard. Something like a one-day civil war was going on, the population was decreasing by ten percent, but everyone else had enough grub until the summer. And no one felt sorry for the dead, even very close friends. According to local concepts, if a person does not know how to protect himself, then he does not need to live.

As a result, only those people who know how to protect themselves and not offend others survived on the island. And the last two hundred and First years of Snow passes quietly: all the islanders are armed and ready to defend themselves, but no one attacks anyone. Only teenagers fight among themselves or hunt for homeless people. Well, sometimes an unintelligent foreigner gets cut up, not without that. That is why foreigners do not like the island of Ysia – they believe that there is anarchy and lawlessness. And in fact, it is somehow unusual: there are no police, no officials, no government, not even a leader of any kind, and even that is not there. Local residents don't need any fucking commanders: they have every man there as their own commander.

True, islander women have a different opinion on this topic, who is the commander of whom. But the women there are not loud commands, they are afraid to break their voice. Their men are not angry, not pugnacious, calm in general. But if a man doesn't want to hear something, he won't hear it, even if you shout in his ear all day. But if you ask – then he will hear, but not the fact that he will do it. When he has his own point of view, you can't move him from that point with a bulldozer. And not because he is stubborn, but because he listens only to his inner voice. And no one else.

No one has ever tried to conquer Ysia: there is no oil, no gold, the climate is shitty, and the people are kind of unformatted. But one country – we won't name which one – tried to establish democracy there. We brought two bulk carriers of consumer goods and announced to the islanders: choose your president – everything will be yours! However, the Russians did not fall for consumer goods: about many things, they simply did not understand what they were needed for. And they didn't want to take other, more understandable things, because their own are better. So the dry cargo ships sailed back.

But the democrats did not give up on their intentions and went from the other end. They built a power plant, a TV tower, and a cellular network on the island, and distributed 500 radios, 200 televisions, and 1,000 mobile phones to the islanders. And five years later, all the islanders realized that it was impossible to live without electricity, and it was indecent without the president. And they elected the director of the power plant as their president, because who else is there?

And the president was half local, the son of a simple Russian woman and a Dutch sailor. A man of an interesting fate: as a child, he lived on the island, then went to the tsyvilny countries, learned useful sciences, became a manager, and then co-owner of a large electric company. In short, he was a smart man – and therefore did not want to change anything on the island. But the sponsors pressed him: they say, come on, carry out reforms, introduce democracy! Otherwise, we will not give loans, we will impose an embargo, we will put it on the black list! Well, the president thought-thought – and banned the First Snow.

Well, not that I would forbid it. The Ysyan language is very inconvenient for commanders: there are no words in it that mean “I forbid”, “I allow”, “it is possible”, “it is impossible”, “it is necessary”, and the imperative mood of verbs is also absent. It is necessary to be a very fine philologist to formulate orders in such a language. And the president studied to be an engineer, and he's not very good at philological subtleties. And he said to the people simply: from now on, on the day of the First Snow, there will be no murder and other iniquities! And he gave the democrats a full report: they say we have abolished the barbaric custom, we have taken another step towards civilization and all that.

The president reasoned something like this: on the First Snow for a long time, no one violates the laws – and therefore, you can close this topic easily and without problems. But here he was very wrong: his problems began almost immediately. The Russians are not a noisy people, they did not organize demonstrations, but just four old men came to him, sat down in the office and were silent. The President has justified all his decisions and outlined all his policies to them. They listened to him in silence – handed him the sea urchin needle, and left without a word. And after that, people stopped going to presidential gatherings, stopped responding to presidential statements, and generally stopped talking about the president, as if he didn't exist at all.

And go and sort them out, these silent ones: whether they will always be silent now, or only until the First Snowfall? The president, to put it mildly, was worried. But not so much that you can shit your pants right away. He also had a private jet, and so he decided to fly on a friendly visit to a democratic country on the eve of the First Snowfall. And then come back and continue to command, as if nothing had happened.

In general, it was a reasonable decision – but it turned out differently. The first snow of that year happened somehow unexpectedly and mercilessly: in the evening it fell like a torn feather bed, a blizzard was blowing all night, and by morning the runway was covered with snow. The president could not take off and spent the night in the hangar, together with his security guard. And in the morning I woke up – there was no security guard. Either he ran away or something worse. And the doors are covered with snow, so you can't open them.

The president got out on the roof and saw five people on skis coming to congratulate him on the First Snowfall. And everyone has a gun sticking out from behind their backs. And with them the presidential guard, and he shows them a ski pole directly at the president!

Well, the president didn't wait for them to shoot their guns, but just pulled out his presidential pistol and fired a warning shot at them. The skiers lay low. And the president jumped down into the hangar, hid behind the crates, grabbed the gun with both hands and sits at the ready, just like an action movie hero. Just try it and enjoy!

Half an hour passes and no one is there. And in the hangar it's cold, my hands and feet are frozen, snot is running out of my nose. Then the president climbs back to the roof. And he sees: there are no longer five men, but about two dozen, all with shovels, and they are already going straight to the gate. One of them saw the president, so he immediately smiled and waved his hands: get down, they say, nothing will happen to you! But you can't fool the president on chaff! He shot the man with a pistol, and he immediately went down and behind the crates. And again on alert.

He hears men picking at the gates, shoveling snow. And someone is already trampling on the roof, and there are six rounds left in the pistol, not enough for everyone. True, there's still a rifle in the safe at the other end of the hangar, but you still have to run there and open the safe… and how can you run if the whole hangar is shot through from the roof? The president sits and scolds himself: what a brake! I should have gotten my rifle right away! Meanwhile, the men are already opening the gates…

The president thinks: I won't give up alive! Five rounds for them, one for yourself! But the enemies are still not coming, and even on the roof no one can be heard – and in the hangar, meanwhile, it has become even colder. Then the president pokes his head out from behind the crates –

and finally notices that the entire runway is cleared, and the men are already somewhere far away, climbing the next mountain. It was then that the president understood why they had come. And he was so ashamed of himself, just cry! It's necessary to be so disgraced! He himself said: “No murder!” – and you were the first to shoot people!” At least I didn't kill anyone…

But the president did not execute himself for long, but almost immediately thought: it's all the guard's fault! Why the fuck didn't he call, warn you? Now I'll call him, I'll give him such a dressing down! And here he gets a mobile phone – and it is discharged!

Then the president thinks: it's still the guard's fault! Why the fuck didn't he make a fuss, didn't put his mobile phone on charge? And the inner voice says to him in pure Ysyan: what the fuck does it matter who is to blame? Why think about it while the runway isn't covered in snow?

And the president listened to his inner voice. I got on a plane, left the island, and never went back. And now the administrative situation on Ysia Island is very interesting. On the one hand, the president did not resign, and legally, as it were, he is. On the other hand, he actually lives in a completely different country and doesn't even want to hear about the island of Ysia.

And on the island, they still think that the president has gone mad. In fact, at first he gave out some vague prophecy about the First Snow, then he explained it to the old people in such a way that they almost lost their wits, then he shot at his guard, and then he flew away and did not give any news about himself. Their ideas about psychiatry are quite cave-deep: they believe that insanity is a contagious disease, transmitted through the ears and eyes, and therefore you can not listen to a madman and you can not look at him, so as not to get infected. The president either didn't know about this, or forgot about it – but he could have guessed… or at least asked people…

Shamans of Ysyana do not know how to cure insanity; therefore, the general opinion is that the president flew to overseas doctors to be treated. And when he's cured, he'll come back and be president again. And while he is away, no one is claiming his place. Someone, maybe, would like to, but is afraid that his roof would not flow from such a position. And most people just don't have time: they have enough worries of their own.

One Answer

evgeny_sergeev says:

2022-09-10 at 10:39 am

The plot of “Doomsday Night” is very interestingly interpreted in the fairy tale of Dmitry Haiduk

About The First Snow

There is an island in one ocean where everything is nishtyak. Although the climate on that island is not heavenly: in winter it is colder and the wind blows, in summer it rains every other day, and cyclones-all sorts of hurricanes, and earthquakes are serious, and sometimes a tsunami rolls in! and how everything looks into the ocean! But the islanders are not worried about these topics: they have been living there for a long time, and they have long been accustomed to their problems and learned how to solve them. And they believe that everything is as it should be.

They call their island Ysia (with an emphasis on the last syllable), which means “Happiness”in their language. That is, this word means a lot of things: “order”, “freedom”,” dryness”,” beauty”,” truth”,” justice”, and a rare variety of sea urchin, which is found only near the island of Ysia.

We need to tell you more about the hedgehog: it is a cult animal for local residents. The most venomous thing in the entire ocean: if a thorn gets stuck in the leg, a person will die in an hour, and if, say, in a vein or in the tongue, then in general in ten minutes. Every adult islander has such a thorn with them at all times, in case they suddenly need to die quickly and beautifully. Suicide is not a sin for them, but rather the opposite. They say, ” Happy is he who has power over his own death.” They didn't kill themselves that often: now they have a normal standard of living, it's not a problem to survive the winter. Here in the old days, they say, it was in the order of things: in late autumn, the old people massively left their lives so that the young could live until spring. They do not believe in the afterlife, so they are not afraid to die at all.

The laws of Ysyan are very simple: anyone who kills, robs, steals, maims people, rapes children, or eats human flesh is branded on the forehead, and after that he is no longer considered a person. Everyone can kill it and even eat it if they want to. And they also have this custom: once a year, when the first snow falls, all laws are canceled for one day. That is, from dawn to dusk, anyone can rob, kill, rape and eat anyone, and for this they will get nothing. This is considered a holy day for them, and it is called simply and specifically: The First Snow. Previously, it was celebrated really hard. Something like a one-day civil war was going on, the population was decreasing by ten percent, but everyone else had enough grub until the summer. And no one felt sorry for the dead, even very close friends. According to local concepts, if a person does not know how to protect himself, then he does not need to live.

As a result, only those people who know how to protect themselves and not offend others survived on the island. And the last two hundred and First years of Snow passes quietly: all the islanders are armed and ready to defend themselves, but no one attacks anyone. Only teenagers fight among themselves or hunt for homeless people. Well, sometimes an unintelligent foreigner gets cut up, not without that. That is why foreigners do not like the island of Ysia – they believe that there is anarchy and lawlessness. And in fact, it is somehow unusual: there are no police, no officials, no government, not even a leader of any kind, and even that is not there. Local residents don't need any fucking commanders: they have every man there as their own commander.

True, islander women have a different opinion on this topic, who is the commander of whom. But the women there are not loud commands, they are afraid to break their voice. Their men are not angry, not pugnacious, calm in general. But if a man doesn't want to hear something, he won't hear it, even if you shout in his ear all day. But if you ask – then he will hear, but not the fact that he will do it. When he has his own point of view, you can't move him from that point with a bulldozer. And not because he is stubborn, but because he listens only to his inner voice. And no one else.

No one has ever tried to conquer Ysia: there is no oil, no gold, the climate is shitty, and the people are kind of unformatted. But one country – we won't name which one – tried to establish democracy there. We brought two bulk carriers of consumer goods and announced to the islanders: choose your president – everything will be yours! However, the Russians did not fall for consumer goods: about many things, they simply did not understand what they were needed for. And they didn't want to take other, more understandable things, because their own are better. So the dry cargo ships sailed back.

But the democrats did not give up on their intentions and went from the other end. They built a power plant, a TV tower, and a cellular network on the island, and distributed 500 radios, 200 televisions, and 1,000 mobile phones to the islanders. And five years later, all the islanders realized that it was impossible to live without electricity, and it was indecent without the president. And they elected the director of the power plant as their president, because who else is there?

And the president was half local, the son of a simple Russian woman and a Dutch sailor. A man of an interesting fate: as a child, he lived on the island, then went to the tsyvilny countries, learned useful sciences, became a manager, and then co-owner of a large electric company. In short, he was a smart man – and therefore did not want to change anything on the island. But the sponsors pressed him: they say, come on, carry out reforms, introduce democracy! Otherwise, we will not give loans, we will impose an embargo, we will put it on the black list! Well, the president thought-thought – and banned the First Snow.

Well, not that I would forbid it. The Ysyan language is very inconvenient for commanders: there are no words in it that mean “I forbid”, “I allow”, “it is possible”, “it is impossible”, “it is necessary”, and the imperative mood of verbs is also absent. It is necessary to be a very fine philologist to formulate orders in such a language. And the president studied to be an engineer, and he's not very good at philological subtleties. And he said to the people simply: from now on, on the day of the First Snow, there will be no murder and other iniquities! And he gave the democrats a full report: they say we have abolished the barbaric custom, we have taken another step towards civilization and all that.

The president reasoned something like this: on the First Snow for a long time, no one violates the laws – and therefore, you can close this topic easily and without problems. But here he was very wrong: his problems began almost immediately. The Russians are not a noisy people, they did not organize demonstrations, but just four old men came to him, sat down in the office and were silent. The President has justified all his decisions and outlined all his policies to them. They listened to him in silence – handed him the sea urchin needle, and left without a word. And after that, people stopped going to presidential gatherings, stopped responding to presidential statements, and generally stopped talking about the president, as if he didn't exist at all.

And go and sort them out, these silent ones: whether they will always be silent now, or only until the First Snowfall? The president, to put it mildly, was worried. But not so much that you can shit your pants right away. He also had a private jet, and so he decided to fly on a friendly visit to a democratic country on the eve of the First Snowfall. And then come back and continue to command, as if nothing had happened.

In general, it was a reasonable decision – but it turned out differently. The first snow of that year happened somehow unexpectedly and mercilessly: in the evening it fell like a torn feather bed, a blizzard was blowing all night, and by morning the runway was covered with snow. The president could not take off and spent the night in the hangar, together with his security guard. And in the morning I woke up – there was no security guard. Either he ran away or something worse. And the doors are covered with snow, so you can't open them.

The president got out on the roof and saw five people on skis coming to congratulate him on the First Snowfall. And everyone has a gun sticking out from behind their backs. And with them the presidential guard, and he shows them a ski pole directly at the president!

Well, the president didn't wait for them to shoot their guns, but just pulled out his presidential pistol and fired a warning shot at them. The skiers lay low. And the president jumped down into the hangar, hid behind the crates, grabbed the gun with both hands and sits at the ready, just like an action movie hero. Just try it and enjoy!

Half an hour passes and no one is there. And in the hangar it's cold, my hands and feet are frozen, snot is running out of my nose. Then the president climbs back to the roof. And he sees: there are no longer five men, but about two dozen, all with shovels, and they are already going straight to the gate. One of them saw the president, so he immediately smiled and waved his hands: get down, they say, nothing will happen to you! But you can't fool the president on chaff! He shot the man with a pistol, and he immediately went down and behind the crates. And again on alert.

He hears men picking at the gates, shoveling snow. And someone is already trampling on the roof, and there are six rounds left in the pistol, not enough for everyone. True, there's still a rifle in the safe at the other end of the hangar, but you still have to run there and open the safe… and how can you run if the whole hangar is shot through from the roof? The president sits and scolds himself: what a brake! I should have gotten my rifle right away! Meanwhile, the men are already opening the gates…

The president thinks: I won't give up alive! Five rounds for them, one for yourself! But the enemies are still not coming, and even on the roof no one can be heard – and in the hangar, meanwhile, it has become even colder. Then the president pokes his head out from behind the crates –

and finally notices that the entire runway is cleared, and the men are already somewhere far away, climbing the next mountain. It was then that the president understood why they had come. And he was so ashamed of himself, just cry! It's necessary to be so disgraced! He himself said: “No murder!” – and you were the first to shoot people!” At least I didn't kill anyone…

But the president did not execute himself for long, but almost immediately thought: it's all the guard's fault! Why the fuck didn't he call, warn you? Now I'll call him, I'll give him such a dressing down! And here he gets a mobile phone – and it is discharged!

Then the president thinks: it's still the guard's fault! Why the fuck didn't he make a fuss, didn't put his mobile phone on charge? And the inner voice says to him in pure Ysyan: what the fuck does it matter who is to blame? Why think about it while the runway isn't covered in snow?

And the president listened to his inner voice. I got on a plane, left the island, and never went back. And now the administrative situation on Ysia Island is very interesting. On the one hand, the president did not resign, and legally, as it were, he is. On the other hand, he actually lives in a completely different country and doesn't even want to hear about the island of Ysia.

And on the island, they still think that the president has gone mad. In fact, at first he gave out some vague prophecy about the First Snow, then he explained it to the old people in such a way that they almost lost their wits, then he shot at his guard, and then he flew away and did not give any news about himself. Their ideas about psychiatry are quite cave-deep: they believe that insanity is a contagious disease, transmitted through the ears and eyes, and therefore you can not listen to a madman and you can not look at him, so as not to get infected. The president either didn't know about this, or forgot about it – but he could have guessed… or at least asked people…

Shamans of Ysyana do not know how to cure insanity; therefore, the general opinion is that the president flew to overseas doctors to be treated. And when he's cured, he'll come back and be president again. And while he is away, no one is claiming his place. Someone, maybe, would like to, but is afraid that his roof would not flow from such a position. And most people just don't have time: they have enough worries of their own.

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