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We need self-realization. This is an opportunity to do something that you feel irresistibly attracted to, something that fills you with healthy confidence, a sense of self-worth and value.
Often, the focus of attention is shifted to “success”, but this is a rather abstract concept and depends on the provisions adopted in society, which are dynamically changing. Measuring success is more profitable for society, since you can constantly change the line and format of changes.
It turns out that “success” is like the format of a neurotic perfectionist. It is impossible to achieve the ideal and you have to run convulsively without analyzing the road. And self-realization is about attention to your desires, a fairly measured road in those directions that you are genuinely interested in, and not those that are “in trend”. Immersing yourself in self-realization (and this is not so easy: according to Maslow, you need to close a lot of other needs), the opinion of society becomes secondary simply because your personal interest in the activity is so great that well, it's society!
Significance is always for others, there's nothing you can do about it. But others do not always see and understand, especially-immediately. This is normal — and you can think of many examples of people who have done something extremely meaningful being judged by others many years after their death (my favorite example is the man who came up with the idea that a doctor should wash his hands before getting into a patient: it's hard to imagine, but he has a name, Ignaz Semmelweis, and he lived not so long ago, 200 years ago, and So if you want to do something important-do it, rest your horn, and sooner or later it will be understood and demanded.But let's not forget about the other side of the coin: there are a lot of people who feel important for no reason at all. Sometimes the attention of others supports them in every possible way (have you never communicated with young pop stars, which a year later no one will remember?). Sometimes they do without it. A sense of self — worth that is not supported by reasonable arguments is self-deception. Self-deception is harmful to most people, it prevents them from developing in the right direction: why should I do something important and useful if I am already a significant unique person? But for some people, on the contrary, it helps: when you don't feel the need to prove something to someone, you can focus entirely on your studies. So let's not generalize.
You have been given some excellent answers on how to solve your intended problem in a practical way. But few people touch on the semantic content of the question. What does “feeling important” mean to you in this context? Perceive your own importance? And for whom and in what?This is not such a clear concept, if you think about it. You can certainly “feel” (i.e., have an intuitive belief in) your own high importance to yourself. For the obvious reason that for yourself you are the first person to cherish and whose interests should be defended and taken into account.Another issue is social significance (a certain rather high status in a social group). Here, the stated problem noticeably loses its meaning, since any significance (positive or negative – the main thing is that it is not zero) for others by its very nature also implies automatic attention on their part to your person. Just assess the degree of absurdity through a thought experiment – someone in society is considered a very significant person, but somehow no one pays attention to him.That is, you need to soberly understand this boundary: for yourself, your significance can be maximum, and this is normal. But others are unlikely to share this attitude for nothing, and in order to mean something to others, you need to have certain properties and merits that they can evaluate in terms of their interests.And even so, this significance for someone in society does not reflect your personal dignity to an absolute degree. This is just a conditional assessment of some of your private role, image, or function that has social value.
The short answer is само self-realization. The long answer is the answer to the question of why to live.
What does it mean to “feel important”?
The psyche is just like any other organ. In order for it to work properly and “not get sick”, a person has to live as evolution and natural selection require of him. Most of these requirements relate to social behavior.�
Once people lived in groups of 10-15 people. The survival of the group depended on the effective interaction and collaboration of all its members. If someone slacked off from their social responsibilities or performed them incorrectly, the group lost out in the competition to others who were more successful, which meant death for everyone.�
This is how social roles were formed. No matter what we think, our psyche requires us to live in a way that benefits others, because it knows that if everyone is good, then I am good, if everyone is bad, then everyone is bad. “Bad” in all cases means nothing more or less than death (the emotional part of our brain still lives in the Stone Age, and there it was always only about survival).
Thus, “feeling important” means ” getting rid of the fear of death by finding your own social niche.”
The problem is that over the last couple of hundred years, our social structure has become very complicated. It is no longer enough for us to find our role in a team of 15 people or in our village. There are a huge variety of social roles, and finding out what you are really most effective at is a huge job that requires both intelligence, courage, emotional maturity, and time. Hence the ever-increasing number of requests for “career guidance”, “search for a destination”, “work that satisfies, and not just pinosit income”.
What does “others' attention ” mean?
In a primitive group, there is a social hierarchy that is formed automatically, that is, no one appoints or selects leaders. The leader simply takes over leadership because of his qualities, and everyone else recognizes him. We've all seen this happen at school: a core of “popular kids”, “middle-class kids”, and a group of “outcasts” suddenly form in the classroom, which are at the bottom of the hierarchy regardless of grades and academic achievements.�
In the school class, to be in the position of an “outcast” means to endure the bullying of stronger and more popular people and suffer from loneliness, in a primitive group of ancient people-death. Being the last in the queue for the distribution of goods (and this is the meaning of the hierarchy), you risk in any incomprehensible situation (hunger, danger, etc.) to become the first to fly out, your chances of survival are the lowest.
Therefore, our psyche requires us to climb the social ladder and at all costs get away from this terrible land. “Increased attention from others”, “respect”, “status”, “power” are signs of a high position in the hierarchy. They reduce the fear of death.
However, the struggle for a “place in the sun” – social competition-implies conflict: to get up a step higher, you will have to push someone else out of there. And he will fight back. Any struggle – risk, fear, anxiety, tension. Therefore, trying to win “attention and respect” is a very exhausting process. Hard-won leadership needs to be continuously protected and validated, and resting on your laurels is fraught.
Thus, in our psyche, two opposing aspirations are constantly fighting: to be useful to others (empathy and cooperation) and to fight for a higher position in the hierarchy (aggression and competition). This confict is known as the eternal confict of good and evil.
The good news is that the good seems to be winning out. For many millennia, winning the competition was more important for survival than cooperation. The most valuable quality that nature could bestow on a caveman is the power to kill competitors and subdue weaker tribesmen. But the closer we get to our days, the more the scales lean in the direction of cooperation: trading is more profitable than fighting, big projects can only be implemented collectively. Aggression and violence are not encouraged by society. Communication skills and professionalism are valued.
So the contradiction, which is very precisely formulated in the question, is resolved in our enlightened age as follows::If you want to feel important and not be dependent, become an irreplaceable professional.
At the same time, “irreplaceability” is achieved not by trampling down the clearing, destroying all the sprouts of competition in the widest possible radius and playing “king of the mountain”, but by understanding the needs of other people and their own abilities.: what can I do better than everyone else? What is my niche (not “what is my step in the hierarchy”)? In this case, the conflict is removed: other people stop being competitors and turn into the key to solving the problem. After all, you can become important and meaningful only by becoming useful to others.
Our achievements are usually a way to attract the attention of others. We are used to evaluating ourselves through the eyes of others who have the same values as us. Since childhood, usually any praise was the result of a certain success of our own. That's why we have a program written in our subconscious that we are loved for our success, because starting with teachers, friends, relatives, and ending with parents, we are constantly evaluated.
To feel important without the attention of others, you need to evaluate yourself not by the results of our actions, not by the assessments of others, but by the qualities of our activities, by the sincerity of our motives and efforts, and by the usefulness of our actions.
What matters to us is what we do, not what we score for it. This matter must correspond to our inner nature. This means that this is something that we have a natural inclination to do, it turns out, we like it and we can do it even without paying. That is, we will be in our place and at ease.
There are four natures of human nature: intellectuals, organizers, businessmen, and golden hands. Intellectuals, intellectuals, they are also teachers; organizers, rulers, they can also be warriors; businessmen, they can also be farmers and merchants; people with “golden hands”, a working professional class, specialists in a certain field.
If our favorite activity becomes the standard of our achievements, if we take our place, then its external result will not be so important for us, such activities will become a source of joy and satisfaction, inspiration and inner dignity.
Of course, not everything will go well with us from the beginning, but our taste for business will grow day by day, and with it our inner self-satisfaction. As Shota Rustaveli once said: “What you give is yours, what you hide is lost forever!” Therefore, when we can give positive and useful things to this world, without expecting praise and payment, we will receive inner joy and love of others, not from our results, but from our joy, our love, inner light and warmth…
Do what you want. What makes you happy in the first place. A sense of self-worth is closely related to a sense of satisfaction with yourself as a person. As psychologists say, with love for yourself, but many people misunderstand this phrase. Therefore, I will replace it with satisfaction with myself as a person.�
What makes you happy? What actions are you proud of yourself for? What significant things do you think you've already done in your life?
Please answer these questions. You may learn a lot about yourself)
Others evaluate us as we evaluate ourselves. If you are a significant person for yourself, then other people will also evaluate you in the same way. If not, the rating will be appropriate. According to your faith, you will be rewarded. I checked)
This is a difficult question not only to answer, but to realize. So far, I haven't fully answered it for myself, because it's easy to feel important, but it's much more difficult to match this feeling. Especially if you think about it. The easiest way, of course, is not to think about it, but to surround yourself with people who will talk about your importance and there it will catch up, since this is how human psychology works. But if not artificially, then much more difficult. I usually feel important (to myself) when I do what I love. Or (for others) when I do something for the people I love. Perhaps, of course, in their eyes there is no significance, but to feel, I feel.
What a good question! First of all, it is important to understand what makes you “feel important”. The details of this concept will be very different for everyone. What is the root of this term? For me, this is a sign, knowledge. If I know myself well enough, know about my reactions to situations and people, and know my emotional and physical responses, then I can find any signs, especially at life-changing moments, and make the right choice.
And when this knowledge is open to me, I also know what is important for me in life, what qualities I want to realize, and gradually move towards this. And I grow inside myself every day, every minute in depth or breadth.
On the one hand, I don't care what others think about it, on the other hand, I see my development reflected in these others, and I become interested in a dialogue with them.
What kind of significance do you want to feel: external or internal?
At first, like everyone else, I wanted to write a detailed answer about what will make your life meaningful, but at some point I realized that the author of the question simply suffers from low self-esteem.
So, every life is meaningful. If you feel that you are not important, you are a grain of sand in the world of passion, then just change your attitude to yourself. Sometimes everything is much easier than it seems, but if you need step-by-step instructions, everyone has their own, so mine may not be suitable for you.
There are only two ways to meet your condition.
There are only two ways to meet your condition.
Very easy. You are important to yourself because you are able to enjoy life on your own. In order to enjoy life yourself, you don't need other people's attention. You are the most important person in the world to yourself. This world and everyone living in it will have no meaning for you if you cease to exist.
“Dedicate your life to something.” It should be something that brings meaning to life. Something that breathes life into you and will make you meaningful. A patriot, for example, devotes himself to his beloved country, while a believer devotes himself to religion. ��
“Imagine what you could do.” You should evaluate your capabilities. If you are not good at your performance in some way, don't be discouraged. Take it easy. You may be a good student in a different field.�
“Why do I need attention at all?” Evaluate the benefits of your attention. It may be small.�
Distract yourself with business and entertainment, rest. This should help.
Return the right to evaluate the degree of self-importance to the only one on whom it really depends – Yourself and your Beloved. Others see only what they choose to see. Therefore, the task of “getting approval and consent from them” should be removed and replaced with “constant self-assessment” in the literal sense of the word. And always remember the Truth: “IF I EXIST, THEN THIS ALONE UNCONDITIONALLY MEANS THAT I AM SIGNIFICANT!”
© Artem Veda
Only by getting answers to the question ” Who am I?”. And to do this, look inside yourself, and not at the attention of other people. The very concept of significance is like an inventory, like an inventory of what is in you. How can you trust someone to do this? Who knows us better than we do?
No way. And you don't need to feel important at all.
You can, of course, control the universe without attracting the attention of orderlies )) But only in one place and in one quality.
If you intend to present the real world with the real values you have created, you will have to get in touch with others.
And the sense of significance and pride comes precisely for the values you have created and presented to the world. They are the ones who matter. And you are significant only in so far as you have become a vehicle for their appearance in the world…
But these values themselves can be anything: from a timely word of support to a child or an old man, to a factory you built or a book you wrote…
Dialogs 18-25: join us
Set goals and achieve them. You can start gradually. And don't give up until you reach it. Work hard. Labor makes a man out of a vegetable. Increases both efficiency and self-esteem at the same time.
Set goals and achieve them. For example, learn a new language or write an article. Occupy your free time with useful activities that bring pleasure. But do not forget about the importance of soft skills (this is just about the attention of others) in the new decade)
If you detach yourself from society, namely about the “attention of others”, then you need to discover some topic, develop yourself, get knowledge personally as for yourself in your head, have fun, meet your needs.
You can write books “on the table”.
You can draw pictures “in the table”.
You can do science “on the table”.
The problem is that all this is not easy – even for a nonconformist. In fact, it is possible to convince yourself. The same auto-training and other meditations will help. But from the point of view of psychiatry, you will continue to drift further away from the norm…
First, understand how significant it is? If the significance is in your career or family, friendship or love, then no way. Some things are group items. Significance is more of a social factor.
If significance in the context of this question implies self-esteem, and it is, judging by the wording, then you just need to work hard on yourself first. Look in the mirror and praise yourself for real achievements, see your mistakes and correct them. Not to hate, not to blame, but to treat yourself as a special person, but at the same time remaining a link in the chain. And it also helps a lot to compare yourself to complete idiots, against their background, everyone is cool.
We, introverts with experience, are not familiar with this problem: -) �
Because of my youth and lack of self-identification, of course, there are difficulties with this – it seems that I want to be part of a certain community of individuals, but for some reason it is sooo difficult both morally and physically. But as you get older and understand yourself, you first come to the stage of self-realization (as discussed in the wonderful detailed answer), and then to a kind of zen, when you don't care what anyone thinks or says about you and your actions.�
And personally, at the stage of self-realization, I already had this indifference to the assessment of others right away. Everyone around you called it a “highly self-confident person”: – D So now you know what a self-confident person is – it's such an impudent pofigist, but a cool professional.: -)
The basis of a good sense of self is benevolence. If we are at war with many people, then we are on the battlefield, it is difficult for us, there will be tension, the same thing will come back from others, life will be full of stress. Even if we are very strong, we can't always live like this. And we won't be able to beat everyone either, because there will always be someone stronger. If we are friendly to everyone , it is easy for us, and the same thing comes back to us, no effort is required, no nerves. Approval is a good thing, and we need it badly. Alienation is a bad thing, it greatly distorts our perception. When there is benevolence and friendliness inside us, then there is no stress, no fear, no anxiety, no tension, everything is fine, and the threshold of the nervous system increases significantly. Internal conflicts, annoyance – this is all that pushes others away from us. It makes us unattractive and bitchy.�
Another equally important thing besides being friendly is not to get involved. What do I mean by this (if not everyone understands)? Often, a sharp reaction always leaves a scar. It is necessary to be able to react to everything quite restrained, not intensely. This is extremely important for maintaining a healthy nervous system. Being able to stay out of it doesn't mean being an indifferent somnambulist. It means simply responding appropriately to each situation. And the bottom line is that no situation requires a very strong and vivid reaction. How does this skill develop? not fast or easy, it takes time. In order not to react intensively, it is necessary that the question does not have vital significance for us. And also avoid anything that can harm us psychologically. Is someone swearing somewhere? this can be done without our participation. First you just need to start realizing the need for this, over time it becomes automatic.
Ideally, yes. It makes sense to live as a lone tiger, to learn true individuality and independence, and the environment around us is quite aggressive, not always healthy. It is better to always rely only on yourself, it is better to always ask responsibility first of all from yourself. Self-filling and self-education help here. Living in this mode can teach you to get rid of the fear of becoming an outcast. But not everyone can do this, this is a special character set, and special circumstances. Introverts are more common. Introverts are generally much better at controlling themselves. But here, too, it is important not to overdo it, and not to become a marginal element of society. Isolation should not turn into isolation and alienation. We can and should follow all the social rules, but we can simply not give them too much importance, do so in order to promote better contact with others. We can't live outside of society. So it depends on us to maintain the necessary contacts with society so that it is pleasant.
There are two forms of loneliness. One is called privacy, and it is viewed as positive. The other is called isolation and is considered negative. Solitude implies emotional fulfillment, a person works like a bicycle, a person pedals himself-he moves himself, and if necessary accelerates. Isolation implies the loss of emotional connections, self-destruction. Such a person is pushed by everyone around, but they cannot move from their place. This is a separate topic that can be described for quite a long time.
I was asked to answer, but as I see it, the main answers were already given in the topic (this is primarily the answer of users Ekaterina Bentz, �Georgiy Aleksandrovich). All I can say for myself is that the roots of the feeling of not being important are where we should start. The answer to the question ” what gives rise to my non-importance?”, that is, how much this feeling of insignificance, uselessness is inherent in your psyche (or not yours, if you did not ask the question about yourself) – and this is the key to answering your further question. After all, a person who is significant in their own eyes will rarely remain completely unrecognized by other people. So, what in general can generate non-significance, non-necessity? There are a number of reasons for the decline or increase in importance, both in the eyes of other people and in their own eyes. I will list them briefly:
1) Social and economic reasons. A person's psychological sense of not being needed is born in social systems where there is “structural inequality” (that is, inequality that is difficult to overcome or even insurmountable at the personal level). In addition, an economic system in which a person can be alienated from the products of his labor, from his labor activity in general, where social wealth is acquired not by labor, but by advantages or privileges, does not help to increase the individual's sense of self-importance. In such a system, a person increases his importance in the socio-economic sphere only if he has achieved the position of owner of the means of production (and there are few of them in such a system) or the status of a popular person (a famous singer, musician, writer, politician). But significance in these areas affects the “integral significance”.
2) Political reasons. The importance of a person in the sphere of modern politics can increase if something depends on his choice in the political life of the country, if voting is not a formal ritual that does not mean much, but a real procedure that determines the persons who have power and influence. Simply put, the more democratic a country is, the more important the individual is. In authoritarian and totalitarian regimes, there are also ways to increase the importance, but we are not talking about them now. So, this factor also affects the “integral significance”.
3) Psychological reasons. If you are not lucky with items 1-2, then it happens that there are psychological reasons why a person may have a high “self-importance” in their eyes. These are such reasons as healthy socialization in a full nuclear family (parents-children), interaction on equal terms with a group of peers (in the yard, at school), a system of personal hobbies (which appeared in childhood), in adolescence – the search for a partner for romantic (not necessarily sexual) relationships, the process of individualization of the individual (separating oneself from the image of the family). In addition, this includes the absence of phobias, addictions, low neuroticism of the individual.
Since you are unlikely to be able to influence points 1-2 within one generation (and this is not an individual's business), I suggest starting with point 3 and trying to understand your vulnerabilities or turn to a specialist (a psychotherapist or psychologist with at least 10-15 years of experience) based on the results of self-analysis.
What a good question! First of all, it is important to understand what makes you “feel important”. The details of this concept will be very different for everyone. What is the root of this term? For me, this is a sign, knowledge. If I know myself well enough, know about my reactions to situations and people, and know my emotional and physical responses, then I can find any signs, especially at life-changing moments, and make the right choice.
And when this knowledge is open to me, I also know what is important for me in life, what qualities I want to realize, and gradually move towards this. And I grow inside myself every day, every minute in depth or breadth.
On the one hand, I don't care what others think about it, on the other hand, I see my development reflected in these others, and I become interested in a dialogue with them.
What kind of significance do you want to feel: external or internal?
The easiest way to do this is:
1. Start a diary, a Telegram channel, or any other resource that is convenient to write to.
2. Write down everything you've done every day. I don't want to and I can't, write down all the simple tasks for the day and see how much I managed to do. I got out of bed, washed my face, ate, and went to bed. Such a day.”
3. Make a plan for the next day and write down everything that was completed from this plan.
Let it be ordinary things, nothing great, but this is the point: pay attention to yourself, attach importance to actions that are important specifically for you.
It helps me to restore order in my life, to get closer to goals that previously seemed unrealistic at all.
If other people's success does not allow you to sleep well, there is a constant feeling of lost profits and unrealized opportunities, then it is better to talk about it with a psychologist.