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In fact, studying the matcha will help here. Humanity has long been interested in the question of afterlife, and has managed to accumulate some information base, which is mostly stored in certain religious traditions. If I were you, I would ask what people think about this in general. There are several main options – a dualistic picture of hell/heaven, reincarnation, where everyone is fair, atheistic non-existence. There are many different variations, but none of the mainstream versions describe pictures similar to yours. I guess that means something?)
Try to find out what the Self is that you value so much. What it consists of, and what exactly its qualities seem to you to exist separately from the rest of the world. Can it be that these qualities will change sooner or later under the influence of external causes? Is your Self before you read the answer to the question, and after-is it the same Self? Is your Self as a child and now the same Self?
Most of all, I am like a process, like a thread. I is a network of connections that is constantly updated. New connections arise, old connections disappear. The self dies and every new moment is born. Some connections last longer, some less, but none last forever.
The world does not stand still. As they say: minced meat can not be turned back 🙂 Life is a constant change. Try to remember two absolutely identical days from your life. There are no such things, because every day there are new consequences of old causes. They may seem inconspicuous, but every little change in the past leads to huge changes in the future. Therefore, it is not possible to live the same day or the same life. The self changes, the world changes. The past is no longer there, the future is not yet there. There is a present. And all the most important, interesting, and bright things are happening right now.
About 30 years ago, I also had similar thoughts, because it seems that it is extremely unfair to leave this world when the journey has just begun. And it does not matter what thoughts come, in what form, and in what incarnation. The key word here is “death”. But after a little thought, you come to the conclusion that no one in this world has any experience of dying. In reality, you can writhe in the throes of death, and in fact, they are afraid. And when the body acquires other, more peaceful properties, then there is nothing to be afraid of, and there is no one to be afraid of. In this universe, not a single atom has disappeared into oblivion. A drop of dew dying on the grass will fall in a heavy downpour on the other side of the Earth. The caterpillar turned into a pupa will wake up in a beautiful butterfly. Events don't happen, they evolve. There is only an endless chain of transformations. And death is the greatest mystery for us. And you can realize this fear only after experiencing it, to one degree or another. So, what to do next is only your decision, someone else's experience is not useful here, this is a fact, no matter what anyone tells you.