How to get rid of selfishness? What to do with narcissism?
And I can't appreciate anything in this life, but I also love doing charity work.
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First of all, let's distinguish between the concepts. Although they are somewhat related, they are different. Narcissism is a pathological narcissism that usually implies a belief in one's absolute superiority over others, exclusivity and greatness.
Selfishness — in itself simply means the pursuit of personal interests (I want; I need;.my goal, etc.). It can be destructive (when personal interests are pursued blindly, without taking into account the interests, rights, and generally others as such) and constructive.
The latter is the occasionally popular philosophy of “reasonable selfishness”, based on the premise that the best way to satisfy one's own interest is to combine it with the social one. This is exactly what you need to do — think about and look for ways to integrate your interests and those of your loved ones/society.
In principle, a purely hypothetical way to “get rid of selfishness” is to get rid of the “Ego”, that is, the feeling of yourself and, as a result, your own interests. Some mystical / esoteric movements set this goal, but this is outside the scope of psychology and psychotherapy, so I can't say anything intelligible about it.
Selfishness has two sides.
On the one hand, it allows us to respect our own interests in life.
On the other hand, narcissism and self-centeredness lead to a distortion of reality in our head.
The life of an egocentric person brings a large amount of displeasure from the fact that the world does not want to turn around in the role of an egoist, most people around are not ready to consider it the center of the Universe. As a result, it is difficult for a person who is fixated on himself to achieve psychological harmony and comfortable relationships with others.
The main stage is to understand the destructive nature of narcissism and the harm it causes to a person. The second step is to learn how to collaborate with other people, take their interests into account, and build empathic relationships. You need to turn your attention to others. This will allow you to achieve harmony with yourself and the outside world.
Selfishness and narcissism stem from the delusion that your virtues and achievements are your own personal merit, which distinguishes you from the category of ordinary mortals. The vital task of the latter is to serve as the foundation of a pyramid reaching to the sky-high space, on the tip of which your divine “I” lives. This model of relationships with others is typical for those who have left childhood before they have matured, and like a child, they are not yet able to think about the interests and rights of other people. Altruism and empathy are socio-cultural evidences of a person's maturity, willingness to cooperate and procreation. None of our personal virtues can be our personal merit, since they were presented to us as a gift by an unknown giver. Neither our mind nor our body belongs to us – and cannot be the object of our pride and exaltation above others. One day, you just found yourself in this world-along with everything you have. It may even be a dream. Space and time are just conventions that we've been taught. Maybe tomorrow, in a minute, or in a hundred years , you will wake up in a different body, and just such a person as you do not like or seem to you to be an inferior being today. After all, there is no certainty who you really are. Maybe just a rock at the edge of the road.
There is no need to get rid of selfishness, first you need to understand what is selfishness. In society, the concept of selfishness is blurred, but it is mixed up by the fact that a person says: I WANT. Each person should first of all take care of his own welfare, of satisfying his needs, but in these aspirations he should not rape the world (nature, people). Then this is reasonable selfishness, it is useful. As for the value of things or something else, then, of course, it is better to learn to thank, enjoy the subject resource. Otherwise, this habit will be developed when all is lost.
And why get rid of it? As psychologists have noticed, reasonable egoists live happily ever after. The defining word is “reasonable”. People tend to go to extremes. Find a middle ground between self-centeredness and altruism.
In order not to suffer from narcissism, you can enjoy it.
Here it is simply important to “calculate” and remember the “corrections to reality” required in the main situations. It is very important to know how you (and the world) are perceived by others. To know this – but not to perceive yourself and the world in the same way as they do.