Well, that is, what is “loaded with what people will think” – it means to feel shame. Shame is the horror that if I behave “not like this”, be “not like this”, then ALL the people who are IMPORTANT to me will turn away from me, they will despise me, my place in society will be lower than the baseboard. This is the fear of a catastrophic collapse of social status.
You can work with this in psychotherapy, of course.
But it's easier to allow yourself to be who you are again and again. Talk directly (in a polite, correct way) about what you really want and what you don't want. What you can't do, and what you can do. What you like and don't care about.�
The most fun part is the discovery that people will generally be treated normally. Some may not be able to do so, but they will be replaced by other people who respect and appreciate you for who you really are, rather than someone who is standing on tiptoe and trying to make a good impression in 360 degrees around you.
Here is where your psyche as a whole: consciousness, subconsciousness, livers, left hind heel-they conclude: aha, this is possible. You can be yourself as you are, but your status doesn't collapse.
So, this weekend I conducted a training session in the center of Moscow, with one of the banks. Both days we went out on the street, stopped passers-by. On the first day, they asked for money without explaining anything. In the second, all sorts of questions were asked. Well, it is clear that specific communication techniques were trained at the same time, but the side effect is the same. If I can ask for a hundred rubles on the street without explaining anything, and the sky doesn't fall on my head, then I can also show perseverance in negotiations with a potential corporate client when he sits with a stone face, and not be confused. It's all about the same thing.
Experience.
Take action.
Well, or for psychotherapy, that's also possible. And then act))…
The main thing is not to think that you know what other people think. �YOU DON'T KNOW IT! You don't know it, even if they told you so. They could have lied! And guessing by behavior is not an accurate method at all. You go like this with a pot on your head in the subway, people look at you and smile. Someone smiles because they think that you are a peek-a-boo, someone remembers how he walked like that, someone imagines himself in your place, someone remembered a joke, etc., etc.�
There is also a radical way. You can call them all idiots. Who cares what idiots think? Or to think that any harsh criticism damages your self-esteem, and therefore your personality, these are destructive people who definitely do not wish you anything good. So their words and opinions should be ignored. It's even nice. Are you trying to damage my psyche? Pipes! You won't succeed. You don't deserve the right to influence me.�
This of course requires experience and here I join the answer of Evgeny Yakovlev.�
The downside of the radical path is that it leads to sociopathy.�
I think it should be said that generally speaking, the opinion of other people about us is our reputation. And reputation is what makes us money. Exactly. Not our skills, but what other people think about us and our skills. So it's definitely worth taking care of your reputation.�
So ask yourself, what kind of impression do you want to make on people and why do you need it? If in order not to feel shame. Then the motivation is so-so. If people are willing to cooperate with you, would like to work with you again and again, and would be happy to recommend you to others, then this is completely different. So you should behave in such a way as not to create false expectations and try to fulfill the obligations that you have given, and if it is not possible to notify the person about this as early as possible and try to find a compromise.�
The pinnacle of excellence is the courage to find out the expectations of those to whom you have not committed. For example, you think that a person thinks badly of you. You go up to him and say, ” I'm sorry, I don't think I made the best impression on you. You might think * say your guess*. Is it true?” Well, explain how it really is. The main thing here is not to lie. It works really cool. This is how you show the person that their opinion is important to you. And believe me, there are very few people in the world for whom our opinion is important. You will immediately find yourself in a good position.
The answer is in the question: stop. If someone else's opinion is important to you, and you know how to know everything that everyone thinks about you, then you are just a clairvoyant guru. Then you'll have to please everyone if it means anything to you. Then you will live several other people's lives for your one, mind you. But not my own.�
Experience.
Well, that is, what is “loaded with what people will think” – it means to feel shame. Shame is the horror that if I behave “not like this”, be “not like this”, then ALL the people who are IMPORTANT to me will turn away from me, they will despise me, my place in society will be lower than the baseboard. This is the fear of a catastrophic collapse of social status.
You can work with this in psychotherapy, of course.
But it's easier to allow yourself to be who you are again and again. Talk directly (in a polite, correct way) about what you really want and what you don't want. What you can't do, and what you can do. What you like and don't care about.�
The most fun part is the discovery that people will generally be treated normally. Some may not be able to do so, but they will be replaced by other people who respect and appreciate you for who you really are, rather than someone who is standing on tiptoe and trying to make a good impression in 360 degrees around you.
Here is where your psyche as a whole: consciousness, subconsciousness, livers, left hind heel-they conclude: aha, this is possible. You can be yourself as you are, but your status doesn't collapse.
So, this weekend I conducted a training session in the center of Moscow, with one of the banks. Both days we went out on the street, stopped passers-by. On the first day, they asked for money without explaining anything. In the second, all sorts of questions were asked. Well, it is clear that specific communication techniques were trained at the same time, but the side effect is the same. If I can ask for a hundred rubles on the street without explaining anything, and the sky doesn't fall on my head, then I can also show perseverance in negotiations with a potential corporate client when he sits with a stone face, and not be confused. It's all about the same thing.
Experience.
Take action.
The main thing is not to think that you know what other people think.
�YOU DON'T KNOW IT! You don't know it, even if they told you so. They could have lied! And guessing by behavior is not an accurate method at all. You go like this with a pot on your head in the subway, people look at you and smile. Someone smiles because they think that you are a peek-a-boo, someone remembers how he walked like that, someone imagines himself in your place, someone remembered a joke, etc., etc.�
There is also a radical way.
You can call them all idiots.
Who cares what idiots think?
Or to think that any harsh criticism damages your self-esteem, and therefore your personality, these are destructive people who definitely do not wish you anything good. So their words and opinions should be ignored. It's even nice. Are you trying to damage my psyche? Pipes! You won't succeed. You don't deserve the right to influence me.�
This of course requires experience and here I join the answer of Evgeny Yakovlev.�
The downside of the radical path is that it leads to sociopathy.�
I think it should be said that generally speaking, the opinion of other people about us is our reputation. And reputation is what makes us money. Exactly. Not our skills, but what other people think about us and our skills. So it's definitely worth taking care of your reputation.�
So ask yourself, what kind of impression do you want to make on people and why do you need it? If in order not to feel shame. Then the motivation is so-so. If people are willing to cooperate with you, would like to work with you again and again, and would be happy to recommend you to others, then this is completely different. So you should behave in such a way as not to create false expectations and try to fulfill the obligations that you have given, and if it is not possible to notify the person about this as early as possible and try to find a compromise.�
The pinnacle of excellence is the courage to find out the expectations of those to whom you have not committed. For example, you think that a person thinks badly of you. You go up to him and say, ” I'm sorry, I don't think I made the best impression on you. You might think * say your guess*. Is it true?” Well, explain how it really is. The main thing here is not to lie. It works really cool. This is how you show the person that their opinion is important to you. And believe me, there are very few people in the world for whom our opinion is important. You will immediately find yourself in a good position.
The answer is in the question: stop. If someone else's opinion is important to you, and you know how to know everything that everyone thinks about you, then you are just a clairvoyant guru. Then you'll have to please everyone if it means anything to you. Then you will live several other people's lives for your one, mind you. But not my own.�
And someday ask yourself: “Did I ever live?”..