4 Answers
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Nikolay, good afternoon!
Unfortunately, you can't find the destination because it doesn't exist. Yes, this is a common pseudo-psychological concept that many non-professionals support. But in reality, there is no purpose.
The idea of vocation is based on a false foundation – and hence all its problems.
This is a false reason for calling it a fixed mindset. This concept was introduced by Carol Dweck, who has been carefully studying this phenomenon since the end of the last century.
It turns out that people often believe in some kind of predestination, a set goal in life. That there is a soulmate that needs to be found. That there are some abilities that need to be unlocked. That there is a vocation that can be found.
And the main task is to find. Then, when the search is found, there will be no problems. Everything will be easy and beautiful. No effort, no tension, no obstacles-all milk rivers and jelly banks.
In her research, Dweck showed that this attitude is completely false and does not correspond to reality a little more than completely.
People are not pieces of a puzzle that need to be placed in a strictly defined place, but active and cheerful agents who can change themselves and change the environment.
Dweck called this approach the growth mindset. In the same experiments, the researcher showed that people who are armed with a development mindset make more attempts, are more resistant to defeats (because they consider them temporary) and, as a result, are more likely to succeed in their chosen activity.
The idea of purpose leads people into a trap. After all, people think that it should be easy, but it is not easy – in any activity there are difficulties, without this there is nowhere.
And when it becomes difficult, a person with a commitment mindset immediately decides: “This is not my thing.” He stops trying and starts fishing.
And a person with a development mindset simply puts in extra effort – and reaches what they are looking for. For example, it develops a musical ear (details).
So there is no vocation. Some hard work and a little luck.
The problem with the idea of purpose isn't just that it's false. It is also harmful.
It completely leads a person away from a fruitful path into the wilds of an endless search for classes in an attempt to find what will turn out the first or second time. If children learned to walk or talk like that, humanity would have died out in the Stone Age.
Much more useful is another approach – the self-determination theory, developed by psychologists Edward Desi and Richard Ryan.
Within the framework of this theory, it is established and experimentally verified that a person strives to solve three life tasks: competence, autonomy and involvement.
Solving the problem of “Competence” is gaining experience in overcoming various obstacles and confidence in their surmountability (an obvious combination with the attitude to the development of Duk). People who understand their own competence, feel good, worry less, are calmer and more satisfied than those who consider themselves a failure and a clueless person.
Solving the problem of “Autonomy” is gaining control over your own life (I emphasize – over your own). That is, a person decides for himself where he goes, what he does, with whom he communicates, what he does.
This task cannot be completely solved, of course, because we live among people and if we want to knock down walls at eight in the morning on Sunday, we still do not do it out of respect for others. However, in general, we strive for autonomy (usually called freedom).
Solving the problem of “Involvement” is getting into a certain pleasant social group. It can be a married couple, a work team, a group of like-minded people, or even just a virtual community of cirrus cloud lovers. The main thing is that this group is pleasant for a person.
When a person solves these tasks for himself, he generally feels very good, believes that he is “in his place”.
This is often work-related. For example, a good specialist is no longer afraid of difficult tasks (again, compare with the task-oriented approach), moreover, he often strives for them as the most interesting.
Since he is a good specialist, he can already choose what tasks and how to solve them-and this is already about autonomy. Finally, such a person can consider themselves part of the “good specialists” group, and this will be the solution to the “Involvement” problem.
Actually, when they talk about the purpose, they try to tell you exactly about the solution of these three tasks. But they tell it in such a peculiar way that these stories only hinder the person.
The most interesting thing is that solving the above-mentioned tasks does not eliminate difficulties and unpleasant moments at all.
Yes, a person can be an excellent doctor and can deal with those patients that he likes, but still some moments at work will be unpleasant for him and he will not be able to avoid them. This may be filling out documents or communicating with relatives of patients, or the need to train interns or something else – everything is individual.
How is it that, despite all these troubles, a person generally feels good?
This is where Daniel Kahneman will help us understand. In the course of his experiments, he identified two interesting phenomena: “experiencing self” and “remembering self” (the experiencing self and the remembering self, respectively).
The experiencing self is very short-lived-less than a minute. When the doctor mentioned above quietly swears, filling out various pieces of paper, his “experiencing self”works. And at this point, he may hate his job.
But then our hero will get out of the hospital, take a walk, get some air – and there will be absolutely nothing left of his “experiencing self”. And the “remembering self” will take the stage.
It mainly remembers the peak of the event and its ending. And if our hero at the end of the working day put down the papers, exchanged a few phrases with a colleague, smiled at the patients, drank coffee in the resident's office and then left work – the “remembering me” will say something like:”But we still have a good job, wonderful.” And this doctor will honestly and sincerely convince us that he has found his business and this is his favorite job.
And maybe that's not so bad.
Total. The idea of vocation is false and harmful. Its base is a set-up attitude, completely detached from reality. The development mindset is much more realistic and useful. We start to think that we are in the right place if we were able to solve three tasks – competence, autonomy and involvement. There are difficulties in any work, but the phenomenon of the” remembering self ” allows us to forget them. Therefore, we can sincerely believe that we love what we do, even though it constantly throws us some problems and difficulties.
Have I answered your question, Nikolai?
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The key is your uniqueness. At birth, each of us is unique. As a psychologist, I can say that the structure of the nervous system is completely different for everyone. There are women, there are men, there are people of different temperaments, there are people with mathematical abilities, creative, musical, poetic… And these abilities are not alone! Not that a person is only a poet or only a musician. Each of us has many talents and abilities.
And this unique combination of talents and abilities with your personal interests (what you are interested in, what you are interested in in life), this is your destiny. This is a unique combination of your talents and abilities – and their application in life. That is, if you were born a violinist and work as an accountant, or if you were born an accountant and play the violin, you will never be happy. Even if you are an amazing violinist, or a football player, or just a very rich person – you will still not be happy if it is not yours.
I'll explain why it's important to find your purpose.
Reason number one: people who have found their purpose experience constant positive emotions-happiness, delight, interest. Imagine that you are doing what you would like to do. Yes, I know that many people have a problem: they don't know what they want to do. But imagine that you found the answer to this question inside, realized that you would like to do this-and you have the opportunity to do this.
Enthusiastic people are immediately visible: they are passionate, their eyes are burning, they talk admiringly about their profession. They tend to be very successful, if anything, they are unique in their profession. We'll talk about success later. However, these people are very charismatic, they are successful, they are recognized, they are burning. They have no such thing as Groundhog Day, they don't go to work. As one well-known businessman said, “find what you like to do and understand how you can earn money from it-and you will not work a day in your life.”
Imagine that: you are doing what you love, which you are good at, and in which you are a unique expert – and it also makes money. Well, isn't that lucky? And it doesn't matter what area. Maybe it's not a professional activity. Maybe your destiny is to be a mom. And you can be happy about it. And how you can make money from it.
So, why you need to find your purpose – because it is an endless source of positive emotions. It will be very interesting for you to live! Away with boredom! We scroll through social media because we're bored, we watch TV because we're bored, we try to entertain ourselves because we're bored. But if you find your purpose, you will not be bored for a minute or a second in life, because you will be constantly burning with work! This does not mean that you will not do anything other than this, but it will be a source of your constant positive emotions.
The second important thing that your destiny will give you is success. If a person is passionate about some business, some occupation, then he devotes a lot of time to this. It's nice, you don't have to force yourself. You run to work, fly to work, and do not trudge to it. And, of course, if a person is burning with his passion, he devotes a lot of time to it. And he begins to understand this well, and this brings success. Of course, making money is a slightly different story. Many people who sang well and enthusiastically, drew … yes, the same Karl Marx, who was an excellent economist, was a beggar until the end of his life, and even an alcoholic!
How to make a hobby profitable is a certain skill that needs to be developed, and I will tell you in detail how to do this. It's easy, just need a little knowledge from marketing and making money. Anyone can easily earn tens, if not hundreds of times more than they earned before.
The third thing that gives the purpose: oddly enough, you will have more time for yourself, for sure. Because because you are passionate, you will do your work with interest – and you will not get tired at all. Even at a minimum-you will be charged from this work.
The fourth thing that destiny will give you is development. It is very easy to develop yourself in what you are interested in. Forcing yourself to read some books, go to some courses in what you are NOT interested in, but YOU NEED TO-this is a story about boredom and melancholy. But if you are interested, then you will easily perceive new knowledge in your field, go deeper and expand your horizons, and capture related areas.
Like me, for example: I do psychology, but I'm interested in how music affects psychology, how painting affects psychology, how cinematography affects psychology, how, in the end, business affects psychology, and how psychology affects business. And there is an endless process of learning. How speech affects psychology, because a word can kill and a word can cure. How medicine is related to psychology…
I have a friend who is engaged in turning parts. So he studies the influence of music on the shape of lathes. He plays different music – heavy metal or classical-and looks at how the music affects his work, at the detail that comes out in the end. Because among his clients, after all, there are also lovers of Gothic, and lovers of the Victorian style. In general, all this is close, everything is connected.
Fifth, choosing the right destination will make you an interesting and charismatic person, which will inevitably lead to recognition by others. Well, you must agree, if you know your subject, you are ready to talk about it in a fun way, you can easily explain it to others. As Albert Einstein said: if you can't explain physics to a third-grader, then you don't know it. Note that the best teachers are those who know their subject very well, so that they can explain it very simply, at the level of the audience, figuratively, with different examples, with interesting facts and metaphors.
So, if you fulfill your purpose, you will become an extremely interesting and charismatic person. I am often asked: how to improve your charisma? – Fulfill your purpose, and your charisma will immediately manifest, instantly! And it will be followed by recognition. You may not become Alla Pugacheva or Philip Kirkorov. But you will be a person who will be respected by many people, and perhaps you will gain world fame, you will be recorded in the annals of history and you will be famous for centuries. This is the fifth thing – recognition and charisma.
The sixth benefit of realizing your purpose is finding the meaning of life. Viktor Frankl, a well-known psychotherapist of the last century, who founded logotherapy (i.e., treatment with meaning), determined that the basis of many neuroses, depressive states, and stress is that a person unconsciously feels the meaninglessness of his existence.
Inside, each of us feels that there is a huge potential, that he was born for a reason, that there is a mission. But he does not know what kind of mission it is, where to put himself. He didn't open up and understand what he needed to do to fulfill his life mission, to live his life vividly. Viktor Frankl noticed and confirmed in practice that this understanding of the meaning of life (why I live, what my purpose is) makes it easy to get out of many life vicissitudes and even tragedies. As Nietzsche said: when a person knows the “why”, he will overcome any “how”.
The realization of your destiny gives you the meaning of life, your own, individual. Because the universal does not exist, as you understand. Viktor Frankl talked about it: do not ask life “what is the meaning of life”, but answer it yourself. You have to find it and answer: this is the meaning of my life. The realization of my talents, my abilities, my goals – this is the meaning of my life, because in this case I will shine like a star. That is, the meaning of life is to maximize your talents, shine like a star, and give the world your abilities. And this is always good, it is always unique.
Finally, the seventh thing that the found purpose will give you is a feeling of infinite happiness. I'll tell you what the problem is. The famous humanist psychologist Abraham Maslow in the last century established that happiness is a permanent state, and it depends on the satisfaction of our needs. The so-called Maslow pyramid was developed. At its lowest level are purely physiological needs: to find food and sleep. If a person is in unsafe conditions, for example, during a war or natural disaster, then just finding food and a roof over your head is happiness.
But having satisfied the needs of the physiological level, when there is a home, food and a constant sense of security, a person can no longer be happy and enjoy just food and shelter. He needs more. Abraham Maslow says: there is a need for intimacy. That is, there is a desire to find some close person, share this happiness with them, exchange love, make friends, start relationships, family, children. Having realized this need, a person becomes happy again for a while.
But after a while, even after starting a family, making friends, a person still feels some kind of dissatisfaction. What is the next need that arises? – The need for recognition, in a wider circle. That is, a person already wants to be realized as a specialist, as a person who does good to others – and receives recognition from more distant people: from neighbors, from citizens, from the whole world. For example, a doctor is satisfied that he treats many patients, even strangers. It's a confession.
That is, recognition is an important factor for feeling happy. And the person will be happy when it is recognized. But this is not the end! We see all the time, especially in the case of actors and pop singers (take the Beatles, one of the most popular bands in history), that when people reach the peak of fame and popularity, they are still disappointed. The Beatles were disillusioned, they went into drugs, they went into alcohol – and in search of the meaning of life, again. They didn't understand – what was the point? Well, yes, we've become popular, we've got lots of girls, we've got lots of money, we're hosted by the Queen of England – and then what? They set off in search of the meaning of life, went to India, plunged into some sects, some got drunk, some started using drugs. Why? – Because even a confession doesn't bring that feeling of happiness to the end.
Abraham Maslow says that the highest need is self – realization. Self-realization means just this purpose: comprehending yourself completely, your unique and wide possibilities (and they are really wide, I will prove this to you on the course “Purpose”), comprehending your potential and revealing it completely.
Here are the Beatles realized as musicians. But they also tried to implement themselves as peacemakers. But they stopped, they were afraid. They thought they were good musicians and didn't want to be average artists or bad polishers. But in fact, along with their popularity, with their activities, there were other activities that could be implemented, that could be found.
Self-realization is the endless unfolding, the endless getting out of yourself of these talents. Therefore, it happens that the purpose changes. That is, we achieved something – but then it stopped being interesting. This means that you have another talent that you will get, implement, combine it all – and it will be the third. Etc.
This process of self-realization is endless. And since it is infinite and our talents and our opportunities that we can apply are also infinite – therefore, the happiness of self-realization is infinite! It's not the food you can get enough of, it's not the fame you can get enough of. The Beatles, Kurt Cobain, and Freddie Mercury all ended up eating their fill of fame. And they all ended up with the same thing – alcohol and drugs. Because they felt disappointed, they understood that there was a step even higher, but they did not understand what their purpose was.
But, on the other hand, there are people who have fulfilled their purpose. Benjamin Franklin, for example, is one of those people. And when a person fulfills his destiny, he has no time to die. Because he understands that one life is not enough for him, he wants to move forward, he wants to develop, he sees more space for growth.
And I believe that at the end of life, when our days end, the universe asks every soul the question: “Why do you need the next life? What do you want to do? Do you want to eat, sleep, and go to work again? Do you want to waste that time again scrolling through social media, watching TV shows, and complaining about the government and your gray, miserable life?”
I am sure that the person who fulfills his purpose will have something to answer. He will say: “Yes, I need my life for this, and for this, and I didn't have time for this!”. And I am sure that only such souls are given a chance by the universe to move on, to develop, to get the next life in other spaces, other universes.
That's exactly what I believe. I believe in justice, I believe in rationalism, I believe that if a person realizes what is given to him, then he will be given even more. Well, yes, if a person is given some money and he does not master it, he simply will not be given any more. Why give it to you again if you don't know how to use it? But if a person uses, and it is still not enough, then they give him more, and more, and more.
Therefore, the destination gives a feeling of constant, endless happiness. This is all at the level of psychology.
So, let's sum up.
Why find your own purpose?
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It gives a sense of admiration, interest in life, doing interesting things.
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It brings success. If you have fulfilled your purpose, you will inevitably be successful, if only you know the technologies of success. It will need a little tweaking, I will teach you.
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It gives you more time for yourself. Because you do better in a shorter time – and you have more time for yourself. You don't have to go to work, you can do whatever you want. And, of course, you will get more energy because you are doing what you love.
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Purpose develops and deepens you. You will not need to get involved in something else, after a boring job, come and read some books, closing your eyes from fatigue. You will be right at work, doing your job, getting deeper and deeper.
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Your purpose makes you a fascinating, charismatic and interesting person-and you automatically get recognition from others.
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It gives you deep spiritual satisfaction because you understand the meaning of your life. The meaning of your life is in realizing your destiny, in finding your place under the sun, in this universe. You will feel that you have become part of a large and harmonious mechanism of the universe, and that you have found your place.
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It brings a sense of infinite happiness, because the purpose is self-realization. And since our inner potential is infinite, it is also infinite. And you will never get satiated with this happiness, it will always be new, fresh and constant.
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At least the question “How to find your destination?” and not a simple one, but you can find the answer to it! I say this based on my personal productive experience of conscious search.
I will briefly outline my main insights on this topic, obtained over 15 years. I ask you not to accept this as the truth in all instances, because I myself do not accept authoritarianism and believe that everyone has their own truth.
A person has a set of talents that represent some kind of innate ability. And people tend to know their strengths. But to achieve what goal to apply these strengths is a task that needs to be solved.
There are a huge number of different types of activities, and it increases with the development of technological progress, so it is impossible to go through everything.
The following 3 questions will help you focus your attention:
- How would you like to help every person on earth without asking for anything in return?
- What would you really like to understand once and for all in your life?
- What would you like to tell each person?
I immediately draw your attention to the word ” help” in the first question. Remember the moment when you really helped someone. Most likely, after that, you experienced a boost of strength and satisfaction. It is helping other people that gives life energy, and if you strive to help, and not just earn money, then you will enjoy not only the result, but also the process.
The second question concerns some very important task in your life. If you understand something that is a thorn in your side and has been bothering you for a long time, then you will most likely want to help other people solve the same problem. And you will naturally want to tell everyone about it.
These three questions do not immediately define the purpose, but they still help to direct attention.
Step number 1
Well, the most important point that will help you in your search is to set yourself the task of ” finding your goal at all costs”. To solve this problem myself, it took me to travel hundreds of thousands of kilometers, try dozens of activities, and in some cases even had to take risks. But this formulation encouraged us to act no matter what.
Alas, there is no exact way to find your destination, otherwise people would not have asked this question for millennia. However, it is possible to significantly shorten the search path, but this is a separate topic.
Watch a series of my videos on this topic.
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First you need to eliminate the 3 main obstacles to finding your destination:
- We change the skill of seeing problems, negativity, and bad things around us to the skill of seeing better things and opportunities. This way we will notice opportunities for finding and implementing a destination.
- Instead of making statements that we are hindered by circumstances , we take responsibility for what is happening on ourselves
- Past actions have led us to the current result. If it doesn't suit us, we need to learn to do things differently, in a new way.
Ways to find a destination:
- Go back to your roots. You can't go against genetics. Be sure to ask what your ancestors did, what your parents and grandparents dreamed of.
- Ask your family and friends what you were interested in as a child, and what you wanted to become. Maybe you've already forgotten how you used to play KVN or draw comics at school.
- Remember your favorite hero from fairy tales or cartoons as a child. It also, oddly enough, will tell you a lot about what kind of lifestyle suits you.
- Recognize your true desires. Distinguish “govnohotelki” (what is imposed by society) depends on what you actually need.
- This, of course, is only part of the ways to find your destination. Ask questions if you want to learn more😉
After searching and selecting options, they need to be implemented. This is a one-way path, with its own tasks and difficulties, which requires training of the will.Then you can enjoy the process, because the destination is the path, not the result!
To find your destination, it is important to take three steps::
To understand your talents, strengths and weaknesses, this can be done by determining your psychotype
Create an internal indicator of vocation, that is, an intuitive feeling that through sensations shows the right and wrong directions of action
Find the direction of your purpose, through which it will be implemented in practice, this can be done by determining the type of character and temperament in order to more accurately choose your unique niche
I'll tell you more in this video: https://youtu.be/xiyP0XdHHMs
Exit the “never-ever” mode
Once upon a time there was a boy who dreamed of becoming an astronaut (director, stuntman, doctor, captain…), graduated from high school, went to university, found a decent job… and nothing interesting happened to him anymore. A sad tale, isn't it?
Many of us have been living in never-ever mode for years, always putting off real life. Unconsciously, we wait for something to happen that will help us move forward. And the longer we don't do anything, the harder it will be to change something later.
Many of us have been living in never-ever mode for years, always putting off real life. Unconsciously, we wait for something to happen that will help us move forward. And the longer we don't do anything, the harder it will be to change something later.
Don't put off your dreams. A source
But at any stage of postponement, we can decide to stop this scenario.
Take a look around
The dreams of work-worn people are often similar: travel, hermitages, laptops under palm trees… These images are in the air, and we pick them up like a virus. We try to find ourselves away from the place where we lost.
But to change your life, you don't have to go to far distances. Take a look around. Where are the most interesting tasks solved in your field? What have you not tried? Why did you choose this case in the first place?
Expand your circle of interests
It happens when you absolutely don't like the job and you need to start looking for other options. But what if you don't have any interests and don't know what you want? In this case, you will have to be a researcher and discoverer.
Do some scouting: what else happens? At least once a week, immerse yourself in a new topic: listen to various lectures on the Internet, attend trainings and master classes, and view information. Start with some educational websites. Try everything in a row, because you don't yet know what area you might be interested in. At this stage, you don't need to choose your life's work. Your task is to emerge from the professional tunnel and expand your horizons as much as possible.
Exploration will take from three months to a year. Of course, you want to change right now, but you'll have to wait a bit. When you have a list of alternative activities, you can choose what you are really interested in.
Communication with a psychologist would also not be superfluous at all https://qwc.happylifetour.ru/qwcmethodnatalivega
First of all, try everything that you like at least a little. So you will gradually understand what you really want. Also read about personality types in the Netherlands, perhaps you will understand something new for yourself, namely what type you belong to and where to look for your purpose.
People need to understand the purpose and tasks of this incarnation, which consist in creating themselves, that is, to rise in their consciousness above the consciousness of just a person, to the level of consciousness of a person-creator.
Recognize yourself as a part of a Single Spiritual Whole (Higher Intelligence), express your free will and make a choice about your future.
Or a person who has shown their Highest qualities: faith, love, hope and wisdom on the baseNew Knowledge is transferred to the Higher Cosmic Mind, you prepare yourself, and that means accepting and aware of the supranational idea of Brotherhood in the Spirit of being equal before God, moving on in the New humanity of the Sixth race, becoming an integral functional part of a New World or back to the new cycle of evolution of the same phase on another planet, lost 26000 years ending cycle of development.
The choice of each person in the direction of improving their consciousness makes it possible to approach a new stage in the Evolution of Space, to move people-creators to the level of collective Intelligence and create in Spiritual unity with the Higher Intelligence the Perfect Space of the Spirit, which is due to the Eternal evolution of the multidimensional, multi-level space of the Great Cosmos!