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The text is copied. A little off topic,but worth reading.
In some schools, children are required to explain such a concept as quasi-religion. Quasi-religions or hidden religions are pseudo-spiritual forms of people's worship of certain ideas, phenomena, and ideals that have a great similarity to religions, but at the same time arise on the basis of a formal rejection of true religions by society. Understanding this term is supposed to help children better understand the world and the invisible forces that operate in it. In particular, this knowledge should become a “vaccination” against credulity to various kinds of charlatans. Children learn that celebrities and, especially, political leaders should not be idolized, and that a passion for football, money, career or even a healthy lifestyle can sometimes have religious signs. But, unfortunately, the most powerful quasi-religion, which will soon play a fatal role in the lives of children, is not mentioned by teachers, and in general, it is rarely recognized as such. It's about love. More precisely, about the type of love that no popular song or movie can do without mentioning :about the very ” big, incredibly romantic feeling that makes two people fall in love with each other without memory, lose touch with reality from lust and joy, and fall into each other's arms, enjoying endless happiness.”
No teaching or church has captured our modernity as completely as the myth of this love. It is the guiding star of our time. The supposed diversity of lifestyles and constantly declared individualism is opposed by an absolutely standardized life model: the path to happiness is a passionate “solitude together”. The only goal of life is to find your Only Self, and only then everything will be fine in your life (and if not, then you need to start looking all over again).
To speak of love as a quasi-religion is not an exaggeration, but the result of sober observations. After all, the myth of love fulfills all the criteria of a quasi-religion: this higher power demands submission to itself and promises salvation and happiness in return. She does not tolerate other gods, she promises heavenly pleasures and scares the hell of loneliness. The most important holidays of this religion are Valentine's Day, Dating Anniversary, Wedding Day and Anniversary, as well as Birthday. Main prayers: “I love you”, “You are everything to me”, “I can't live without you”. Sacraments: French kiss, sex. Sacred symbol: red heart. Icons: OUR photos. Altar, place of atonement: bed. Hymns: OUR songs. Holy Scripture: OUR love letters. And also-touching quotes that glorify the deity Love, from the “Little Prince” to Elton John and the Apostle Paul.
It is necessary to purposefully turn a blind eye to this, so as not to notice the religious nature of this cult. The heart as a symbol of the Western world has long been more common than the cross – and it is safe to say that its meaning is much better understood. In many homes, where religious symbols used to hang-a crucifix, an image of the Virgin Mary – now hang documentary evidence of “loneliness together” in various variations: OUR photos, evidence of OUR happiness, which shout: “We did it! We love each other and we are happy!”. And nearby – revered relics. Souvenirs from the first trip together, the first gifts given to each other. In some bedrooms, “love” photos define the space so much that they resemble the iconostasis of an Orthodox Church. And when love reaches its apotheosis in the form of a stunning wedding, large-format wedding photos become the most valuable and fall into the list of things that need to be saved in the event of a fire.
Transcendence – that is, contact with an otherworldly force that goes beyond the limits of human knowledge-is an experience that many people today can only experience through the feeling of falling in love. It is no coincidence that this feeling is described as “floating in the clouds”, or “living as if in a dream”, or even as reincarnation: “It is as if I have given birth to a child again”. Can anyone deny that great romantic love is a promise of salvation that has no equal in the modern world?
But isn't it bad that on the altar of modernity is not a nation, not the Fuhrer, not a race of superhumans, not some religious cult, but only love? What's wrong with people looking for their happiness in a partnership? Doesn't the dream of great love help us overcome our self-centeredness, learn to finally say ” you “instead of the constant “I”? Better total love than total war, isn't it?
Any experienced psychologist or psychotherapist can sing a sad song about the devastation that the idol of love leaves behind. After all, the hope of salvation does not come true. Salvation – that is, freeing a person from thinking about the meaninglessness and impermanence of being – cannot happen through another person. Anyone who believes in the promise of heaven on earth through love turns their life (and the lives of their loved ones) into hell.
Exorbitant, unrealistic expectations lead to excessive demands on all participants in the situation and lead to bitter disappointments. A high flight of feelings (if it comes to that at all) is soon followed by a painful fall. The savior, who was initially idolized, eventually turns out to be just a capricious person, and spending time together turns into lessons in patience and humiliation, full of emotional swings. It's only a matter of time before you get to know your partner's annoying as well as pleasant traits. Long-term love does not smooth out a single human weakness, and then it ceases to be a sensual task.
“The myth of romantic love is a dangerous lie,” writes the American psychiatrist M. A. McCarthy. Scott Peck – ” As a psychiatrist, it makes my heart bleed to see every day the confusion and pain this myth brings to people.” According to Peck, many patients can not cope with the disappointment of not having a big Hollywood love in their lives: “Millions of people spend a huge amount of effort on desperate and useless attempts to reconcile the reality of their own lives with the unrealistic myth of love.”
This information is not new. Back in 1956, Erich Fromm warned us against “pseudo-love” and its fatal consequences: “Since usually no one can live up to the expectations of their worshiping worshipper for a long time, then disappointment sets in, and as a cure, a new idol is found, sometimes this happens many times.” Fromm had before his eyes Hollywood films of the 50s and the first victims of the modern cult of love. Half a century later, the myth of romantic love, fueled by the sprawling entertainment industry, has spread around the world. Divorce rates are on the rise, and “serial monogamy” has become the norm. Love has an expiration date.
But mental suffering does not begin with the failure of hopes associated with a new love. In fact, they start long before the first relationship. Even small children know that the meaning of their life is to fall in love. There are books for kindergarten age that explain that “butterflies in the stomach” are a sign of first love, and the feeling of tingling on the skin is a symptom of acute love. And there are psychologists (for example, Andreas Engel, chairman of the German Pedagogical Union) who believe that kindergarten is the place for the first romantic love: “Children can actually really fall in love. And this must be accepted.” Every religion needs its own prophets and preachers.
Those who have sadly failed to survive the butterflies in their stomachs in the sandbox will understand by high school at the latest what their life will revolve around: being in love! Find the right affiliate program! Quite common situations are when a 10-12-year-old child is asked during a family feast: “Well, do you already have a bride / groom?”. If the child is confused and does not find an answer, they are told thoughtfully: “Never mind, there's still time.” But the child learns two important things from this awkward conversation: 1. Without the bride / groom, you are incomplete, 2. Time is running out.
Thus, the problem of the cult of love is not even in unrealistic expectations from relationships – problems begin much earlier, with the beginning of an energetic and frenzied search for love experiences. “Finding a partner has become a quasi – religion in our culture,” says the philosopher Katarina Ohana. – Success in finding a partner is placed above any other goal, especially for women. It is understood as the main meaning and main happiness in life.” This is confirmed by opinion polls. At the beginning of the 21st century, most Germans answer the question about the meaning of life very simply: “Happiness”. When they are asked to explain what happiness is, they always put love and partnership first, and only then come children, family, friends, career, success.
Unsurprisingly, pop culture has no other themes than love. If we stop listening to love songs on the radio for one day and stop advertising and movies about love on TV, our TVs and radios will go silent. Even crime series, children's movies, comedies and cooking shows are not complete without an admixture of love relationships.
In the whirlwind fire of the entertainment industry, which broadcasts the good news of love to the public around the clock, it is extremely rare to see the idea of love as an everyday reality, a lifelong partnership or self-sacrifice for the sake of family. What is meant by love is actually an erotic “customer search”, the world is like an advertising platform for potential partners: the winner is winked at by big love.
Of course, the religious cult of love and commercial interests merge imperceptibly, because you can make good money on the necessary optimization of partner search. The body is the crucial capital in this game, and you need to get it in shape with diets, fitness, cosmetics, hairstyles, hair removal, and maybe even plastic surgery. But doesn't this investment pay off if it helps you find more love? Don't you have to help the occasion sometimes? Such arguments are made by everyone who earns money on” improving ” bodies and marriage agencies. They send us a contradictory message, which for some reason does not raise any questions: on the one hand, love is an otherworldly experience, an unexpected divine spark in human life. On the other hand, love still needs to be planned, and it is best to trust experienced professionals who can offer everything from breast augmentation to speed dating (from the English “speed dating” – “fast dates” – a format of mini-dating parties organized in order to introduce people to each other-approx. SUR) – what is necessary for the future happily in love. The fact that this industry is just beginning to develop is demonstrated by the growing number of users of dating sites and marriage agencies.
Naturally, all this has very little to do with everyday life. The part of reality that does not fit into the idyllic picture is not mentioned in advertising, films and songs. “The story ends before you have to deal with troubled children, dying parents, your own aging and wrinkles, and unemployment. And our life consists mostly of these topics, especially after 40. At this point, it doesn't matter how beautiful the wedding was,” says Katarina Ohana.
The quasi-religion of love also has indirect damage. We are talking about a lot of people who do not have a couple. Their life is considered flawed. People assume that something is wrong with them. The idea that someone might not consider partnership a life goal and choose a different path is simply incomprehensible to the general public. And the fact that someone can't find the right partner is considered a personal failure. One way or another, such a person can expect sympathy from others at best.
Conversely, someone who says that he acted out of love and just followed his feelings can always count on understanding and support, even if families break up, if a husband leaves his wife for a young woman, or if someone marries for the fifth time. The one who refers to love is appealing to a higher power that is beyond the reach of any doubt. The case of a professor of theology from Augsburg is very revealing. In 2012, this Catholic priest announced during a service that he was leaving his position because he had fallen in love (with a married woman with two children). Contrary to expectations, the congregation was not shocked – they gave a standing ovation. Note to the hostess: those who refer to the idol of love are always right.
Criticizing religion is a difficult task. Anyone who decides to speak out against a quasi-religious cult of love has bad cards in their hands. He is either perceived as a heartless technocrat, unromantic, and cold, or the public assumes that he simply hasn't found his only one yet, and therefore envies the happiness of others. Anyone who points out that love is actually not the bright exaggerated love that pop culture paints, and anyone who talks about love for one's neighbor is branded a moralist and a hypocrite. Or they ask the main question of our time: “Don't you really BELIEVE in true love?” So it's still a matter of faith.
One persistent critic of this religion is Christiane Resinger, who first wrote songs and then books about the deification of romantic love. What she says is actually even banal, but in the current situation it sounds literally revolutionary: “Love is presented as something that gives meaning to life, and promises salvation through the formation of a romantic couple. It has become a quasi-religion, and it pretends to be able to answer all the questions. She claims that only she can give everyone the emotional satisfaction they need. Love is the ideology behind the idea of a couple, and there is only one recognized status in our society: being part of a couple.”
One question remains: is the myth of love even good enough to make people cope with their own selfishness? The answer is that this type of love is the illusion of transcending the boundaries of the Self. In fact, we are talking about continuing to focus on yourself by other means, because the main engine of the process, to be honest – is not the desire to love, but the desire to be loved.
The deification of the Other goes hand in hand with the deification of the Self, which needs to be taken care of and maintained for its market value. That is, the successful object of my love only confirms my exclusivity, and our flaunted happiness does not flatter anyone as much as it does me_oy. “Erotic love is the most insidious form of love,” wrote Erich Fromm. – This kind of love is actually selfishness between the two of us.” The most important condition for being able to love another person, Fromm believes, is not fulfilled here-one's own narcissism is not overcome.
Markus Günther: Ersatzreligion Liebe // Frankfurter Allgemeine
To be honest, I've never understood such questions.
What do you mean when you ask if love exists or not? Love, as a “divine” feeling of unearthly origin that is sent down to us and for which there is no explanation? Love, as a strong psycho-emotional attachment to a particular person, filling all of me and not giving yet? Love, as an irresistible desire to have sex with the object of love? Love, how are all of the above items put together?
Of course, everyone answers this question differently, but the essence of the fact that one way or another you begin to feel certain feelings for a person does not change. Let it be “chemistry-physics-biology” of the brain and then it will manifest itself in anything , well, it means such a love for someone, and for others it is “divine”, and for the third love may not be at all, because they have never loved, fairy tales are everything! And they will also be right in their own way.
There is love, there is no love, it does not matter, because each of us, having experienced something like this, understands perfectly well what he is experiencing, and what he will call it and what reasons for this phenomenon seem more convincing to him, is his business.
The bearer of this opinion either did not read (unlikely) the novel “The Master and Margarita” – in it the Author promised to show the Reader “true, true, eternal love”, or – which is much more likely – did not understand anything in it.
The “opinion bearer” implicitly hopes to be poked with his nose at that page of the Novel with the formula of love (there are only one and a half lines), and he will understand how love differs from lust ,and no one – not even the textbook-is in a hurry to do this.�
For some reason.
Love is not a museum exhibit or a saleable product – it is a waste product (like a pearl) of the body's vital activity.�
Not everyone.
And who is to blame if the” opinion bearer ” has never seen a pearl – even a fake one-in his entire life? Who organized his life so cleverly-his parents, friends, school, or himself?
I have a negative attitude. This opinion is the result of the spiritual disintegration of society. Love exists. Love is God. And this becomes a stumbling block. You can't know love if you don't believe in God. And it is difficult for a modern person to believe in God.