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I do not understand… and why? Why don't you get angry? Well, if you get angry, so what?
For some reason, everyone sees anger as a prezhivanie, which is the most terrible, which you need to get rid of as soon as possible.
On the other hand, it is anger that gives us the energy to achieve our goals. It is anger that drives our victories, not anything else. It is an important regulator of our behavior. Anger is a very useful feeling.
About emotional independence – this is generally something incomprehensible. If you mean here about how you can self-regulate your experiences, that's another question.
Life on the mountain is very different.
No more debt, no more wine.
And it doesn't reach the mountain
The discord of the lowlands.
Life starts all over again
For those who make shoots.
And all that howled and screamed,
When he gets up here, he'll sing.
Zinaida Mirkina.
of course, an allegory is given in the verses-the mountain symbolically means a spiritual, high life, as opposed to a mundane and grounded one. Christianity teaches that there is spirit and there is flesh in a person – living according to the spirit brings some results, living according to the flesh-others:
16 I say, Walk in the spirit, and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh;
17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the spirit,and the spirit desires what is contrary to the flesh.
19 The works of the flesh are known; they are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness,lasciviousness,
20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, envy, anger, strife, dissensions, heresies,
21 hatred, murder, drunkenness, outrages, and the like.
22 But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faith,
23 meekness, self-control. There is no law against them.
(Galatians 5: 22,23)
First you need to replace the word “cope” with “neutralize”. Coping means making some effort. But we need to change the structure of the mind in such a way that the correct reaction to irritation is natural and occurs by itself without effort. To do this, you need to train your mind. When a person in the gym has trained to lift 32-kilogram kettlebells, he no longer needs to “cope” with lifting a 2-kilogram dumbbell, for him these efforts are almost indistinguishable from natural muscle tension. Similarly, with the mind, if a person regularly exercises the mind, the brain develops networks of connections that allow it to respond adequately to external stimuli, to stressful situations.
How to train your mind? It is useful to train mindfulness. Observe how emotions arise in the mind. Annoying disturbing emotions can arise very quickly, as if something is exploding or shooting inside the mind. It is useful to learn to anticipate this moment and slow down. Pause in time to prevent the consequences of an explosive emotion, slow down in time, and extinguish sparks before they escape and set something on fire. To train, you can sit down for a few minutes in a quiet place every day, breathe calmly and watch different thoughts arise in your mind. You can say to yourself: this thought is pleasant, this thought is disturbing, this thought is neutral. If there is a disturbing thought, you can use other networks of connections in the mind, distract from the stimulus. For example, you can focus your attention on the movement of the inhaled air at this moment. Watch the breath, feel the air coming in, think: it's a breath. Watch the exhalation, feel the air coming out, think: it's an exhalation. So count up to 10-20 breaths, then understand that the disturbing emotion has melted, and then go back to watching the thoughts that arise. If this practice is repeated regularly, it will be possible to use this trained skill in critical life situations, when you need a pause to isolate the disturbing emotion.
In addition to developing mindfulness, you also need to develop wisdom. This means thinking about the causes of anxiety and trying to identify and remove these causes. Often a person worries about empty things that don't exist anywhere but in his mind. That is, we sometimes create and invent problems for ourselves. Therefore, it is useful to try to distinguish between reality and illusions. When the illusory nature of a thing becomes apparent, the anxiety disappears. Why worry about something that isn't there?
There is such a story. A monk, lying in a boat on the lake, trained mindfulness, watched his thoughts. Then suddenly another boat bumped into the side and disturbed him. And at that moment, he felt a sense of anger rising up inside him. He was about to yell at the other person who had bothered him, scold him. But when he looked at the other boat, it was empty. It was simply carried by the current from the shore. And then he realized that his new sense of anger had no destination. No one to swear at. And the feeling of anger dissolved. Then he wondered how other people were different from such empty boats. If another person causes harm and annoyance, he does it out of stupidity, because he does not understand someone else's idea of reality. A person causing harm is like a hurricane or rain. There's no point in arguing with an empty boat or a hurricane, or fighting the rain. You just need to protect yourself from harm. Take an umbrella, for example.
If you treat all people kindly, if you understand that everyone has their own unique construct of reality in their mind, if you try to be attentive to emerging emotions and learn to manage them, if you analyze the causes of disturbing emotions, the causes of desires and attachments, if you quickly filter out unnecessary incoming annoying things, try to create a comfortable protected but open space for thinking for your mind, then you can eventually become calmer and happier.