In the” Gestalt Therapy Workshop”, Perlza first encountered the exercise 15 years ago: say your wish. And then say the exact opposite and listen to your feelings…

Polarities. Duality, ambivalence of desires. – For every “I want” we have exactly the opposite “I want”.

I want to earn more money – I want peace.

I want a slim figure – I want to enjoy life right now (oh… that's right today I have an internal conflict here: the first day on a diet!))

Etc., etc.

For ANY desire, you will find the opposite. I want happiness for my children – I want to remain the closest person to them (…is it clear what the contradiction is?..)

Do you understand why one of a pair of opposite desires can be perceived as blasphemous, unacceptable, and pushed out of consciousness?.. And the internal conflict then too?..

I want to raise my child with love and care – I want to kill this unbearable monster already!))

I want to engage in self-development – I want to rot harmoniously in social networks… Ahhh!!.

In some cases, one of the couple's desires outweighs the other so much that the conflict is small, or in fact not noticeable.

But when they are comparable-yes, we get a detailed conflict.

And it would be better to be aware of it. Because when it is there, and I push one of the desires out of consciousness as fyr-fyr-fyr, indecent, blasphemous, not-about-me… – It still remains, just over everything that is repressed, we lose control. – And then, in some situation, we can behave like a” shot”, impulsively, completely irrationally for ourselves, ruining all our own plans. From the series ” I don't know how it turned out, I didn't want to… it's her!..”// or “It's not my fault, he came to me!!”�

How is it overcome?

1. Honestly, in any situation of choice, you ask yourself what you want FOR YOURSELF (options), without branding any of the desires as “bad” in advance.

2. You weigh the positive and negative consequences of each choice. Taking into account both logic and THEIR own values (the value choice is often beyond the literal “selfish” benefit).

3. You try to creatively connect conflicting “I want”s. It's like “win-win” in negotiations between people. If you are interested in the directions in which to look for solutions, classics-Rubin, Pruitt and Kim, “Social Conflict”, look at their five tactics for finding integrative solutions. There are also a lot of purely psychological integration techniques: dialogue on chairs in the gestalt approach, analogs of dialogues of parts of the personality in NLP and eriksonke, psychosynthesis, etc.

4. The truth is that very often it is not possible to combine creatively. Impossible. Either – or; otherwise there will be neither. No minus 10 kg for a vacation, no pleasure from the process of eating cakes in these couple of months.

And then what I call ” dramatic renunciation.” With full awareness of the importance of what you are betraying, you dramatically give up a slim figure and … CAKES!!. Or vice versa. In any case, this is where Genghis Khan's principle comes into play: “If you're afraid, don't do it, if you're doing it, don't be afraid!”))

In the” Gestalt Therapy Workshop”, Perlza first encountered the exercise 15 years ago: say your wish. And then say the exact opposite and listen to your feelings…

Polarities. Duality, ambivalence of desires. – For every “I want” we have exactly the opposite “I want”.

I want to earn more money – I want peace.

I want a slim figure – I want to enjoy life right now (oh… that's right today I have an internal conflict here: the first day on a diet!))

Etc., etc.

For ANY desire, you will find the opposite. I want happiness for my children – I want to remain the closest person to them (…is it clear what the contradiction is?..)

Do you understand why one of a pair of opposite desires can be perceived as blasphemous, unacceptable, and pushed out of consciousness?.. And the internal conflict then too?..

I want to raise my child with love and care – I want to kill this unbearable monster already!))

I want to engage in self-development – I want to rot harmoniously in social networks… Ahhh!!.

In some cases, one of the couple's desires outweighs the other so much that the conflict is small, or in fact not noticeable.

But when they are comparable-yes, we get a detailed conflict.

And it would be better to be aware of it. Because when it is there, and I push one of the desires out of consciousness as fyr-fyr-fyr, indecent, blasphemous, not-about-me… – It still remains, just over everything that is repressed, we lose control. – And then, in some situation, we can behave like a” shot”, impulsively, completely irrationally for ourselves, ruining all our own plans. From the series ” I don't know how it turned out, I didn't want to… it's her!..”// or “It's not my fault, he came to me!!”�

How is it overcome?

1. Honestly, in any situation of choice, you ask yourself what you want FOR YOURSELF (options), without branding any of the desires as “bad” in advance.

2. You weigh the positive and negative consequences of each choice. Taking into account both logic and THEIR own values (the value choice is often beyond the literal “selfish” benefit).

3. You try to creatively connect conflicting “I want”s. It's like “win-win” in negotiations between people. If you are interested in the directions in which to look for solutions, classics-Rubin, Pruitt and Kim, “Social Conflict”, look at their five tactics for finding integrative solutions. There are also a lot of purely psychological integration techniques: dialogue on chairs in the gestalt approach, analogs of dialogues of parts of the personality in NLP and eriksonke, psychosynthesis, etc.

4. The truth is that very often it is not possible to combine creatively. Impossible. Either – or; otherwise there will be neither. No minus 10 kg for a vacation, no pleasure from the process of eating cakes in these couple of months.

And then what I call ” dramatic renunciation.” With full awareness of the importance of what you are betraying, you dramatically give up a slim figure and … CAKES!!. Or vice versa. In any case, this is where Genghis Khan's principle comes into play: “If you're afraid, don't do it, if you're doing it, don't be afraid!”))