6 Answers

    Maybe it's not about other people, but your increased expectation of reciprocal “good” actions. And “ingratitude” is also a rather vague concept. They may be grateful, but they don't show that “gratitude” in the way you expect them to.

    I think it depends on the inner qualities of a person. After all, there are harmful and ungrateful people, and most often the majority does not even realize it.

    • We have already written here that not everything that you consider “good” is considered so for those in whose direction you render it.
    • You have also already been told that you can't do “good” with the expectation of gratitude. And your question just says that you expect it. And this is not a good thing, but a service that you did with a deferred payment, without notifying the “recipient of the service” and eventually send collectors to them.
    • Any action in someone's direction must be paid for. It doesn't matter what you think about it. This is a body-level law. Unpaid “good” does not happen – it is already “evil”. Especially if you haven't been asked to. There is a popular saying “Don't help until you are asked three times”. And it is real and easily explained.�
      Paid goods are not necessarily paid in money. the fact is that with every action you take, you give the other person some of your power. Spent on this action. And it should be balanced. If this is not done, then the person you helped feels subconsciously indebted to you. And the more often you help him, the more he owes you energetically. As soon as this pressure becomes noticeably uncomfortable for him, he begins to perceive your every appearance and all your words as a “reminder” of duty. Hidden content. Even though you didn't even think about it. He starts mentally accusing you of expecting him to pay back the debt. At first, relations simply deteriorate, and then, often turn into hostility. There is a popular saying “If you want to get an enemy, start helping a friend(without asking them).”

    What to do:

    1. Don't help until asked three times

    2. Help in situations like “move your grandmother across the road”, do it for yourself, get pleasure. Find out what you can learn by giving this help yourself. So that it is not perceived as good and help, but as a matter for yourself. Then there will be no sense of debt for the person who was helped.

    And the best (but difficult to understand): Don't do good, JUST do it.

    Because very often people do “good” to others according to their own understanding, without asking if it is necessary, and then they still expect gratitude. That is, they make others obligated, make them dependent, and at the same time demonstrate their own superiority “that's how kind and good I am”.

    At least for the following reasons: :

    1) “Good” is not done with expectations of anything (gratitude, “kindness” in return, etc.).

    2) It is possible that what you are doing is “good” only in your own sense, while a person does not need it at all.

    3) Some people do not accept help and advice on principle, if they themselves did not ask for it.

    From an ethical point of view, there are not many answers to this question.

    It is possible that in their normative ethics, your “good” is not “good for them.” Hypothetical example: if you are a moral utilitarian and they are a follower of Kant, then your “lie for good” would be perceived as an immoral act.

    It is also possible that they adhere to a selfish ethic, and accordingly, if their response is good to you, will not bring them direct benefit, then they will not perform this action.

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