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There is always something behind love and dislike.
First about love…
What's in the middle of it?
deep attachment to another person (small or big)
aspiration to another person (small or big )
a measure of human happiness
About dislike…
What's at the center of dislike?
lack of attachment to another person
lack of commitment to the other person
lack of happiness
Usually, behind the theme “I don't like children at all” is the theme “I feel disgusted, intolerant of children, they infuriate me, annoy me, I am helpless next to them; the cry is simply unbearable, it screams my Inner Child from the past, who was never comforted.”
It is very difficult to love all the children around us, and it is unlikely that this is possible at all, because deep affection in such quantities is not real.
Then what is possible? It is possible to accept people-children, without feeling disgust, hatred, anger, irritation. And if it doesn't work, then what is it about?
By myself, about our entire previous experience.
If we were not loved from the first breath on land (they did not attach to us, and did not strive for us, and we were not a measure of happiness for another, more experienced, stronger) we were not interesting, our feelings, emotions, needs, desires, experiences, impressions, fantasies, our observations, memorable events for others, for our elders, we were not wanted to lead, revealing all the colors of the world, then loving your children or foster or others is very difficult and even not safe-a big risk of losing yourself, your resources… In love, a lot of patience and dedication is required, for some it is not feasible.
I was once upon a time… well, then, it doesn't matter. He didn't like children either. Not all of them. Those who stood out in this way:
That's what I thought until my first child was born.
I had to somehow reconsider my views.
And I began to convince myself that all these shortcomings are common to many adults, around and around. )))
Including myself.
Why not? People don't have to love anything, including children. It's not just that I don't like children. I don't like small dogs, cows, birds, zoos, Bulgarian pepper…
Questions of personal preference.
This question is a bit tactless.
It's like asking a person, ” Why are you still single? (bald, driving such an old car,…)”
Everyone has their own dislike or peculiarity, which a person, if necessary, and when needed, will bring to his psychologist or girlfriend.
If you want to understand this for professional reasons, then there are many studies that you can read online.
But it is better not to raise this topic, and not to discuss their features, especially their friends or relatives. Even if you want to “do good” or do a little good to this person or to all of humanity.
It is better to treat this as the fact that your loved one smokes like a steam train or to their weaknesses, such as a devoted friendship with the refrigerator, despite being overweight.
Not everyone likes cats and dogs, and not everyone likes children. The issue of propaganda and formation of public opinion is a mandatory emotion for children. In the early '80s, when I was a kid, it never occurred to anyone to babble and shout,” IT'S A COLT!what he understands”, was guilty-punished, sometimes harshly, personally, I was taught from a young age to always be responsible for deeds and words. Personally, I perceive children as some kind of monkeys that in the future will stand on two lower limbs and talk, so I perceive raising children as training. I have two German Shepherds at home, and human children lose out to them in almost every way:- ) Often, socialization and the formation of a spiritually developed personality are out of the question at all, because mothers consider it normal to allow children to relieve themselves right on the street, treat animals cruelly, throw tantrums, etc. I look at the level of development of modern society, and I feel sad. I don't want to live in a society where there is a cult of children.
You know, it's not written anywhere that someone has to love children. A free person is guided not by what others do, but by what he sees as the norm for himself. If you have an aversion to children, this does not make you a monster or an immoral person – just a person with certain psychological and characteristic features that you do not want to keep silent about. I find it strange rather those who hate the screaming spinogryz and his mother, laughing at the top of her lungs, but at the same time stubbornly silent, like masochists at a BDSM session. Be strong, do not be silent if the child and mother get impudent!
Using my own example, I can probably say that this is a manifestation of some degree of selfishness,I don't know…I can't play with children for a long time,it's not interesting for me,it's hard to understand them,they are very capricious.I really respect men who invest a lot of time in raising their children.I hope that time will do its job and I will rethink this issue for myself.
I don't like children selectively. No, I don't divide it into my own and others', they also got their own in order.I rather dislike certain qualities in children that annoy me.
For example, when children yell, and they yell all the time, from birth to the end of school.
I do not like impudent and ill-mannered affairs, stupid, capricious.
I hate those who are evil and cruel to animals, I would kill them
I dare say that most of the people who don't like children are older brothers or sisters. Too early, their parents elevated them to the role of a”third parent.” Still, you want to go out with friends, do some interesting things, and they hung a toddler on you. Of course, any child will be offended by this, which can grow into dislike and even hatred for children, no matter whose.
They don't like them because they don't have them or can't have them. Right up to that point. As soon as the mother takes him out for 9 months, she will give birth – even with her eyes still closed and her skin still blue, he will become the most expensive, beautiful, smart, etc.
Because either egoists with a very cold emotional sphere, or …they are AFRAID that the child will force them to give up their usual life,bring chaos into it, reduce the standard of living,or force them to give up their usual activities, activities, hobbies… selfishness in action, again.
Well, everyone has a different opinion.Sometimes children like to swear on the Internet, hiding it from their parents.But not all children are like that!there are also normal children,although there are not so many of them.
And then this detonenavisnitsa, (someone's and once screaming) children will serve in her old age. And give way and clean up her shit. It is better to cajole children with sweets, maybe they will treat you better in their old age
I don't like other people's children, I can't stand children's screams,noise,screams. this is just hell for me. Thank God they don't have any of their own, and I hope they won't. If something happens, I will have an abortion without hesitation. I love animals very much. And silence. Yes, I am an egotist and I am quite happy with this.
children don't like children. People with various personality disorders stopped in emotional development in childhood, and just not yet grown up inside healthy people. When I was a teenager, I couldn't stand children, I didn't even think that I could have them. After I grew up, got married, and gave birth, everything changed, as if something turned on inside.
I basically don't like people and there are a lot of reasons not to like them. There are some special cases when there are people with whom at least it is not disgusting, but this does not always happen. Mostly I'm annoyed by the way children look and behave. It is also likely that I personally developed a dislike for children from the time when everyone was insulting and teasing me at school. That's my story.
Perhaps there is an option when people do not like other people's children, and I do not like them at all ( like me) . But for their own, someday they will become wonderful parents.
I read an interview with a young father who was on maternity leave while his wife was working. He writes that over time, the fear passes, the child begins to understand and be touched. This is physiology. Being near a child triggers a certain chemistry in the brain, the longer this happens, the easier it is for the brain to adjust, the sensitivity of the receptors increases … �
Presumably, all people initially have a variation in sensitivity to this chemistry. It is believed that it is higher for women or at least should be, but this is already a matter of stereotypes… And if the child is not desired, there are problems in life without it, it was imposed by relatives, the hormonal mood after giving birth was lost… for a variety of reasons, if the child is not pleasant, the emotional support system does not start. And the longer you don't see children, the harder it is for the brain to navigate, especially if the sensitivity was already low.
There are people who don't have a musical ear, and they don't become musicians. Not everyone wants to draw, dance, perform life-threatening tricks, and not everyone feels high from a card game. Similarly, not everyone is attracted to children. Physiology, plus a life story that is superimposed on top… Nothing pathological, in short, this is a normal spread. People are different.
As a person who does not like children, I will answer:
“What can be better than children?” / “Children are the flowers of life” / ” I didn't give birth – not a woman!!”/etc.
You know, this already sounds like a mantra, which says that any girl (I think it's not even a matter of age) should bear and give birth to at least 1 child.
Especially in the modern world, and in Russia, they like to promote that it is the duty of all females to give birth, and as many as possible. Such a demographic “boom” should change something. �But as if not so.
From my personal examples, “I can tell you” a few of these: “my cousin is a very spoiled person, whom everyone allows. My aunt had the temerity to send me out with him. And what I saw threw me into a real stupor: my brother's peers (I note that he is only 5 years old), were well, just unmanageable! The mummies were far away from them, and the children were having fun among themselves. At one point, a kitten ran past, which they immediately surrounded. And do you know what they did? No, they didn't stroke that little lump… They started throwing rocks at him!�
And another example related to animals: once, a friend of my mother brought her child to our house, and he slammed my puppy with the door: with
I will add that at all times there were their own childfree/childhate. But they are now being discovered because of various TV shows on this topic (which are extremely absurd), and of course the Internet.
Some people love children for the same reason that they don't like inadequate people. “They can do anything.” Adult inadequacy can be dealt with in an adult way. And the others will only thank you. With a child, you either have to endure or communicate with your parents, but public opinion is such that you can't take it straight and luptsanut. Children are not the flowers of life, but ordinary people who have not yet learned all the social norms. From birth, the child is given only temperament. Parenting comes with age. Someone earlier, someone later. And here is an important point: well-mannered or quiet children do not attract much attention and are not remembered. They behave normally, just like the surrounding adults. There are plenty of such children around. But it is worth another small one to yell, leave, just show yourself – and immediately the attention of everyone around is guaranteed. It is these children who are remembered, and later they are cited as an example by deton-haters. Some people do not like children because they have had several experiences with tomboys (well, or inadequates, as you like) and have generalized this experience to all children. A cognitive error.