7 Answers

  1. In your question, there is already a partial answer: say not what you need, but what you think.

    To do this, at least, do not be shy about your thoughts, desires, and needs. As a rule, the ability to speak openly about such things is formed in the family when the child knows that he can speak openly about everything that concerns him, and is not afraid of being rejected, judged, shamed, because he is sure that he is still loved and that he will be understood, heard, supported or explained. With such a scheme of interaction, the child does not need to say what is necessary, and he grows up to be himself.

    There is another scheme, when a child from childhood behaves as it should, says what is necessary, becomes such a convenient child to earn the attention and love of parents. Otherwise, they will be rejected, scolded, ridiculed, devalued, and so on. This is how the scheme of giving up oneself to please others is formed, since this is the only way, in the child's opinion, to be needed, meaningful, and loved. And it grows comfortable for others.

    What is the basis? – Fear of rejection. What is a non-adaptive setup? – being yourself is dangerous, you need to be comfortable.

    What to do? – gain new experience (it is safe to be yourself, you can be uncomfortable), preferably with the support of a specialist at first, increase self-esteem, develop communication skills.

  2. The ability to be yourself is a value that many people go to for years. On this path, they overcome negative parental messages, attitudes instilled by society, their fear of loneliness, rejection, and aggression. In those distant times, when civilization was not developed to such an extent as it is now, to be expelled from the tribe meant certain death. And our whole being still retains the experience of this horror of exile. This is completely normal.

    People who initially grew up in a dominant, silencing, indifferent environment quickly learn exactly how to behave in order to be obedient, comfortable, and accepted. After all, it is very difficult for a small person without supporting people and supports. In the future, this skill is transferred to all other life situations.

    It is probably not necessary to completely get rid of the habit of focusing on the opinions of others. Otherwise, there is really a great chance to become, if not an outcast, then get some unpleasant consequences in the form of insults, quarrels, and the glory of an ill-mannered person. But learning to defend and voice your opinions, defend yourself and your beliefs, and share your thoughts without fear is useful.

    To be able to do this without fear, you need, first of all, a supportive environment. Something where you are not expected to be comfortable or conform to stereotypes. You need to look for such an environment.

    The second point that really helps to become bolder in the manifestations of your self is a matter with which a person can associate himself. This business should provide an opportunity to be realized, he should be good at it, and this business should benefit other people. Then the person will start to regain self-confidence.

    The third important point to learn is self-support, turning off the internal critic who constantly repeats: “you're doing the wrong thing.” It won't be easy at first, but you can learn to control your thoughts and adjust your beliefs. These steps are usually enough to become brighter in their manifestations, bolder, more honest and more confident in themselves.

  3. There is only one way to learn how to do what you want, no matter what it is, and that is to get out of your comfort zone. In other words, you just have to tell the truth and you'll learn. Yes, it may not be easy, but there is no other way out, no one else will solve your tasks for you, that's not it, and that's it. So every time you need to tell the truth, breathe deeply and evenly and just say what you want.

  4. In order to be yourself, you must first, no matter how banal, love yourself. Know and appreciate your strengths, know and accept your weaknesses.

    With age, people tend to become more confident and accept themselves for who they are. However, this process can be accelerated by contacting a therapist. It's not scary at all. Together you will sort out your problems, raise your self-esteem, and then, of course, you will be able to be yourself and say what you want, the truth or not.

  5. It is clear that telling the truth is always better, but situations and people are different. It all depends on who that person is, who you are, and what kind of truth you want to tell them. This is what we should start from. Sometimes, on the contrary, keeping silent or slightly embellishing reality will be better on your part than telling the person the truth, even with the best intentions.

    If you're talking about telling a person that they're being defiant or ugly, for example, they probably won't like it, but there's still a chance that they'll listen to you and reconsider their behavior. But if it is a question of telling him that he looks bad, even if you sincerely care about his health, this will not always be correct – perhaps he is ill and knows it very well, but at the moment he can not fix it in any way, and your words will only upset him once again.

    The truth is good when it fits. Perhaps you find it difficult to say it precisely because you are not sure that the person himself needs it?

  6. Saying what you think is also not a panacea – you can seriously offend people and become an outcast. You also need to learn how to present your thoughts. And being yourself is very simple – do what you want, and not others. And yet, with real friends, you can afford not to care about the” beauty ” of words and really talk as it is. That's why they're friends.

  7. Often people are afraid to be sincere, because they are very dependent on public opinion, they worry about what others will think about them, believe me, everyone will not like you anyway,and you will not be able to find out what exactly people want to hear from you, just try to tell others exactly your opinion, the truth, without fear of being judged, some may agree with you, others

Leave a Reply