9 Answers

  1. Being kind and being tough are not opposites.

    You should always be kind. But not to the detriment of their own interests. You can with all the kindness and love in your heart not allow your child to swim in the winter.

    The question is put in such a way that it is clear that your kindness is being used, but you do not like it. In fact, you are being manipulated. This is a common story.

    But it is important to be tough not in relation to people, but in relation to manipulation!

    And then where they sit on you, they will get off there.

    For example, they ask you for a favor – catch the moment of manipulation. Answer the question for yourself why you don't want to do this. And calmly say no.

    To say no is the right of any person. However, it doesn't make you angry or tough. You just know what you want and don't give in to manipulation.

    Good luck!

  2. They don't become rigid by themselves.
    Only under the influence of society. The person either breaks down completely or becomes stronger.And help only if you feel that your help is needed, you do not need to please everyone

  3. Being kind to everyone is great)) Thank you for being there! Humanity can only strive for this. Getting tougher is not difficult, but why?

    How not to stop being kind – this question is already more complicated.

    If everyone thinks about how to become tougher – what will the world come to?

    And vice versa, what will the world come to when everyone becomes kinder?!!

  4. Very often, this scenario is facilitated by a heightened sense of guilt and a desire to be good for everyone.

    We all come from childhood. Go back to your past and see who was important to you to be good, who “blamed” you when you tried to defend your interests?

    Then, give yourself inner permission to put yourself and your interests first. The phrase “I'm not against you, I'm for myself!”helps a lot. And again: “I'm not a five-thousand-dollar bill to please everyone!”

    If you encounter difficulties in implementing these simple recommendations, it may indicate that you have a fear of rejection. And this is a reason to seek help from a psychologist. An experienced specialist will help you find the origins of this fear (usually the trauma of an outcast is behind it) and get a new experience of defending your interests safely for you, which you can later apply in real life.

  5. Kindness only brings disappointment to cowards. Because, as a conflict resolution tool, the results are very ambiguous. Which in general is quite predictable, because in itself, kindness is a selfless feeling,and does not require any response.
    So, first of all, have the courage to admit to yourself that you are a coward. And, if the confession is sincere, then the further plan of action will mature itself.

  6. If you really need it…

    I had a lot of such acquaintances, they are often careerists, or hickeys, singles, self-sufficient people, sometimes egoists and sometimes egocentrists, harsh people, many of them are engaged in creativity and drawing, often only for themselves or work, and yes, they will definitely not draw anyone for free, only for money, or trades, this is when you draw to someone and he to you, often they have purely business relationships with others, even with friends. And some of them even became a recluse, sitting at home and working as freelancers on the Internet. And this life suits them, many of them are introverts. Among them are not only artists but also teachers, doctors, programmers, cooks, even game designers, they decided to choose a career and not a family, this is clearly not a matter of kindness but of personal gain.

  7. Personal qualities of a person depend on the set of beliefs about themselves that a person has accumulated over the years of his life. That is, we are all some kind of biorobots, executing behavioral commands that are laid down in us randomly.

    Do these commands change? Yes, for example, when you find yourself in a situation that forces you to change. For example, in the army or in prison.

    But it will be a change under the pressure of external circumstances. Is it possible to change yourself without external pressure?

    This is quite possible, only you need to use the correct algorithm of actions.

    At the first step, you need to clear your body of those dissatisfactions with yourself that you experienced due to the lack of the qualities you need. The same rigidity in judgments and actions, for example.

    And in the second step, you need to put in yourself the necessary behavior programs. This is done in the form of correctly composed positive statements such as: “From now on, my rigidity in decision-making increases every day.”

    Of course, the term “rigidity” must be somehow explained, show your body what you mean by it. For this purpose, the “Right Quality Month” technique is suitable, when you play the role of the tough person you would like to resemble.

    That is, the effort is needed, but as a result, you will change in the way you need. And your success rate on the way to your goals will increase dramatically.

    All changes are most convenient to make on the site simulator http://www.sviyash.ru On the Working page 3.10, we develop new personal qualities in ourselves. Go to this Working Page, study the tools offered there, and proceed. And everything will be as you want.

  9. It's not about kindness, kindness tends to come back. Perhaps you just need to spend less time until you get to know a person well, have a habit of refusing strangers, do not trust smiles and a confidential tone. Also, how many times I swore, but I couldn't refuse when a new colleague opened his soul on the first day, told heartwarming stories and asked for help. Until I was once again “shod” on three K. I watched this reptile swear to” give it back tomorrow ” (and he knew that I almost gave him the last ones), and tomorrow he hides behind the pillars, seeing me from afar, and it became so disgusting… You just need to come up with a good reason for refusing, so that the person (perhaps a good one) does not offend…

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