2 Answers

  1. Good afternoon.

    Everyone tries to avoid responsibility and shifts the blame to others – this is all because of cognitive dissonance, which is much more terrible than admitting their mistake.

    This behavior is common to all people, except those who have learned not to be afraid of their mistakes.

    As for restoring trust, you can read about it in my article How to learn to trust in a relationship.”

    Have I answered your question?

  2. Why is it always the victim's fault for the abuser?And how to recover from relationships, stop being afraid and start trusting people, and raise your self-esteem?
    For starters, most people are always guilty of anything but themselves and not their layer of society. It's just that an abuser differs from an ordinary person in that it is he who destroys normal relationships and imposes his pathology, so in his performance the gap between the real culprit and the imaginary one is much more noticeable.
    Victim's guilt is the abuser's invention, which is one of the most important parts of manipulation and a way to bind the victim to himself. This is part of the pattern of interaction when the victim tries to be perfect, but always remains guilty. By analogy, the bosses of many firms create a feeling among employees that unpaid overtime and low wages are only the employee's fault: if the employee does not believe, he will quit or demand a salary increase.
    Some abusers even believe in the victim's guilt.
    To recover from such relationships and start trusting people, you need to do the following::
    Admit to yourself that you don't know how to understand people, and set yourself the task of learning to understand them.
    This is necessary in order to understand who should be trusted and who exactly should not. Switching distrust of everyone to trust of everyone is not a useful action. Both are harmful. Not understanding people makes it harder to trust them.
    Tell yourself that one category of people or one person is not responsible for all the people in the world. Moreover, there are many people who will either build a normal relationship with you, or break off the relationship and leave, but certainly not become abusers. For them, there is no abusive relationship option. Most normal people either had short episodes of manipulation or none at all.
    Next, you need to identify the methods of manipulation and understand how they work.
    To do this, you can read the book “Emotional Blackmail”by Susan Forouard.
    After you have told yourself that not all people are the same, and have begun to identify ways of manipulation, contact a psychologist. Well, or before that.
    If a psychologist is clearly not suitable for you, and after several sessions you only got worse, find another psychologist.
    Most likely, you will need a psychologist.

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