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You can't change the character. But to find a core and self-confidence is quite realistic. To do this, you need:
• Learn to say no. Surely you have repeatedly agreed to certain actions or help, because you were afraid to offend the person. Remember: if you don't want to do something, you don't have to, and no one can force you to.
• Don't go overboard with your emotions. You must be able to control both the negative and the positive. This does not mean that you need to turn into stale bread. Just take everything that happens in life with dignity.
• Be polite. If you receive aggression, do not respond in kind. The person will be surprised by your calmness and will not be able to continue the conflict on their own note.
• Don't be afraid to express your opinion. If you don't agree with the majority opinion, say so. The main thing is arguments. You should not make empty promises or affirm something without confirmation. But if you have it – the trump card is in your hands.
• Don't take on everything at once. No one needs your heroism – in case of failure, all claims will also be sent to you. Learn to share responsibility.
The main thing is self – confidence. Of course, you will doubt your actions. Be prepared to make mistakes, but you will not be able to harden yourself in any other way.
Of course, you can say that there is no way.
Of course, it is impossible to change the character completely. ..
Character is a well-developed reflex. You grew, learned, developed – and what you picked up became your character. You had genetic features ( roughly speaking, “skeleton”), then you acquired a good example (built up muscles).
We are social beings. We develop only when we are in a society, and the more complex it is, the better it is for us.
How to become a person with a “hard core”?
Start by working through your weaknesses and strengths.
What's bothering you, and what you'd like to fix.
Next, answer the question “why are you doing this?”honestly. (it's about what you don't like).
Part when we talk about “core”, we mean the ability to say “no”, “be able to defend your point of view”, etc.
And, as experience shows, when answering this question, we pull out our fears about “how will they think about us”, “what if I hurt another person”, “I will help, he is lonely”, etc.
All this is laid down in us by the upbringing of our culture (I'm talking about the cultural layer, not about upbringing).
Next, watch your body. A confident person walks with a firm gait, clear hand movements, head and eyes straight.
Walk every day, look straight. Find music that inspires you and let it help you.
And most importantly , your environment. Analyze how your friends and relatives treat you. Find the person you would like to match. Talk to them and observe how they behave and what they say. If the person is not going to try to anticipate you, then ask them to become your mentor. Ask him how he feels when he says “no”, when he “stands up for his opinion”, etc.
But it doesn't work all at once, you have to understand that this is a very long and complex process.
Good luck to you!)
To become a person with a solid core, which is really solid and won't break in the long run, both from sharp impacts and constant pressure, it is necessary to go through hardening, as steel goes through it. To become strong, you will have to suffer frankly and very much. Only understanding that a person can find strength, happiness, success, and love only within himself gives a person an identity, independence, and confidence that makes him stable.
The second important component is a principled view of the world. Guided by the principles, a person is guaranteed to build a certain line of behavior that will not allow him to deviate from his “sacred” path. Principled people are always considered strong if they are able to follow their own principles. Principles, in fact, are a core, inside the core, which is located inside a person. Even if you break down inside, your principles will not let you fall. Sometimes a person becomes a hero, performs a feat, radically changes his life for the better, just because his principles told him so. And it's not even about epic heroes, but about everyday life: can you give up something pleasant, but leading to a fall? You can, if your principles don't allow you to do such things. In other words, principles provide the power to make a person more free and independent.
The question is stupid, the person who asked it will never get any “core”. To get this property, you need an internal disinterested interest in something. That's when you get a foothold in your life. You are soft and compliant in what does not affect your interest and firmly stand on your own, protecting your own. And do not think that you will have fewer problems. Rather the opposite.
Take responsibility for your life. Write down your life principles and goals. And ask for support from a specialist ( for example, a life coach).
When you live in stressful conditions, and you don't escape, you face deception, social inequality, and injustice, your balls will harden. The most effective way, for which you do not need to make an effort.
To become a person with a solid core, you need to blindly believe in something.
It is blindly and precisely to believe.
Why? Because accurate scientific (verifiable) knowledge can only be obtained in relation to purely material objects. These are the laws of nature.
For the most part, a person operates in a dynamic, social sphere. Which is emotional, not linear, and poorly predicted by probability theory based on the Gaussian distribution.�
Therefore, firmness of character does not always lead to success. Only if your firmness of character consists of those principles that now lead to success. And nothing guarantees that they are eternal, unshakable and will work tomorrow. After all, hardness is inevitably associated with brittleness. And you can be sure that no amount of your firmness can withstand the onslaught of the whole World.
So in the general case, you need something completely different. You need to not break down.
And for this, you don't need hardness, you need antifragility!
And it's not just flexibility. This is flexibility, resilience, the ability to change, improve and adapt.�
Where should I start?
With adequacy. Start by gaining in-depth knowledge and useful skills in the field of your business. With getting rid of illusions.�
One of them is that starting to redo yourself in adulthood, you can become the same as ……….. (substitute any name). Понимаете You understand what the problem is, you have spent 20, 30, 40 years to form your own picture of the world . Even in people who are not very bright, it consists of thousands of interrelated elements (experience, knowledge, and beliefs) that do not conflict too much with each other. On a physical level, these are billions of neural circuits in the brain. These are all axons built up over the years. You need to physically destroy irrelevant chains, all their duplicates and all their relationships, build new ones and link them to others! The process, as you understand, is long, painful and involves considerable resistance.
This idea is generally doomed to failure if we are talking about deep changes affecting the core of the psyche.�
So you need to understand what you really need. Yes, you can't follow the path of Steve Jobs or Jeff Bezos. But if all of a sudden the same opportunities open up to you as they once opened up to them, you will also try not to miss them, right? None of them initially had a detailed plan for how to get to where he ended up.
Most often, people don't need much respect and understanding.
This can be achieved without formatting the brain. Just a few adjustments are enough.
First of all, it's about self-discipline. You can discipline yourself with the help of a “glider diary”. I have just a small book 96 pages, each page is designed for two days, so the book is enough just for a year. I keep it like this: I schedule the dates in advance, write the task for the day-deadline, when you did it, put a tick, and write the number if you did it earlier, as if for yourself noting “oh, what a good guy I did earlier”, such a small motivational trick. Convenient organization helps you keep up with everything on time, because you can see what's happening on what day. You can also prescribe any moral chips from day to day. When you write it down, you make a commitment to yourself, it kind of starts to exist, now you don't owe it to yourself, but at least to the little book. You gradually get used to an active lifestyle and become a person with a solid core.
Iron is tempered in fire. The surest way is to go through great difficulties, difficult experiences, and most importantly to come out of this period as a winner, one who resisted and did not give up. After this, there will be little to surprise or frighten you, you will start to respect yourself and others more, learn about life and become much more confident. Of course, no normal person would deliberately create such difficulties for themselves. Then it helps to achieve a certain goal. Set a goal and achieve it no matter what. The main thing is to believe in yourself, fight fear (the hardest part), be more determined, and take mistakes as a challenge. And yes, nothing will happen if you do nothing (reading tips and dreaming doesn't count).
The secret of success..
“Patience”
Photo (right) after the opening of the LevelUp Dojo startup.
10 years ago, everyone laughed at me and said that online games are a waste of time.
Even so, I spent 22 hours a day playing World of Warcraft.
Even then, I was sure that I would succeed.
And it will only work out when I grow in my field and make every effort to achieve this goal.
“I realized that if I put in enough effort and time, I can achieve absolutely anything!”
When I already know what I want, I don't ask myself “what if?”, I'm sure it's a matter of time.
This confidence in my abilities stems from my past successes:
� I was 17 when I became one of the best players in World of Warcraft.
�I was 23 when I started playing sports, and I went from being a bully to a bulky Alpha male.
I was 26 when I quit my stable job and became a writer. Thanks to this, I began to travel and live by my own rules. (I'm writing this answer from Hollywood Hills)
I was 27 when I started my company Digital Press, which gave me the chance to meet CEOs of big companies and unique businesspeople.
But before I achieved all this, I devoted years of hard work to working in silence, not complaining about anything and ignoring all scorn.
Everyone laughed at me when they heard I was playing World of Warcraft.
Everyone questioned my discipline and progress in the gym, and I clearly remember being asked why I was doing this, claiming that I would not succeed.
Everyone mocked me when they heard who I went to study for. Absolutely everyone asked the same question: “Why do you need journalism? Are you going to spend your whole life working part-time in coffee shops? etc. etc.”
But when I became a World of Warcraft star, looked like an alpha male, and started living by my own rules, everyone wanted a piece of my success.
� � �For some reason, everyone started supporting me. And for some reason, everyone became interested in how they can succeed so quickly in something.
There is a time for everything.
And my triumph came when everyone was looking for a shortcut.
When everyone was searching, I worked and followed a long but sure path.
It was working before all this happened.
You can have absolutely anything you want.
� �It's just a matter of time and desire.
I read the above, but I don't agree with everything.
Most of the tin in life, be it violence, inequality, injustice, loss, etc. can simply break.
And in this case, it is extremely difficult to even recover from it, let alone start working on yourself.
For this reason, I strongly advise you not to jump into such situations with your head, it can turn into a personal disaster.
A slightly different approach, which I came up with myself, helped me:
Start loving yourself.
It sounds corny, but try to look at yourself as if you see in the reflection not yourself, but another person who is very dear to you.
What would you say to him and what would you advise him to do to improve his life?
Just do it.
You need to learn to distinguish what is “boiling” and what is whining. Whining will never help, it's a sign of self-pity, and pity is the lowest feeling.
Don't insult yourself like that)
And the most difficult thing for me personally is to follow the saying “The horse is dead-get off”.
You definitely don't need acquaintances whom you recognize as marginals, even if there is a persistent feeling of loneliness – it is better than the company of those who drag you down.
Throw out old things, even if they fit the definition of “one day it will definitely come in handy”. No, bro, it won't come in handy – I checked it out.
Leave a minimum that you use at least once a month.
If you don't get rid of what you don't need, it won't be very good, it's like carrying a backpack with bricks on a hike)
And of course, mark the self-flagellation.
What you did, you will not do back, this is normal and it should be understood.
Any mess up is always an experience that you now have. It's yours and it's not going anywhere.
Actually, why bite yourself for something that can't be fixed? It won't make it any easier for you or anyone else.
It is better to notice that your conscience/common sense/heaven/Allah has woken up in you (please underline) and praise yourself – you have the right reaction.
Don't be afraid to take what life gives you.
Did you get a lot of money? Fire, thank you very much and here is a clearing for you.
Got a promotion at work? You deserve it, it's proud.
If you have been given it , it is yours, you do not have to “suffer” in the price of gifts.
P.S. I registered specifically to say this, especially the first part. In my experience, I say – do not test yourself for strength too harshly.
All the best.
No way. People don't change all their lives from birth. You can become better at something or worse, but you can't change your character, but you don't need to change it either, it's your identity, it can't be bad or good, it just exists. It's like the bios in a PC, it doesn't matter what its design, sounds and usability are, it just needs to be, and already you can put a beautiful OS on it, and then change it if you get tired, add useful and necessary programs, well, in short, you understand, yu know that's the aim of sein.
Start asking questions to yourself, not to other people.So something more than just a solid core is born.All changes need to start with yourself, progress, striving for perfection.Then the qualities will start to appear.
Sooooh I'm going to be confused right now, but how often do I come across similar questions here. “What can I dochange
eadwatch to become intellectually developederuditewittyspecialdifferentand even have a sense of humor?”. Apparently, they are looking for a universal instruction or recipe. Here I will now be advised to do something, I will do it (I will start on Monday!!11) and I won't be like yesterday!.. What's the real deal? Everything is the proverbial comfort zone. Or if you add to the answer already voiced earlier: “Get your ass off the couch, go to work and chat.” And then life and the environment will throw gifts and challenges, after which you will change. Or not.
PS Sorry for being too emotional. I sincerely wish the author of the question and all of you success in all your endeavors.
You can't change your character in any way. The “core” in a person is laid up to 10 years, on the example of parents, he learns to respond in one way or another to life circumstances. At a more adult age, attempts to “strengthen character” are more likely to lead to neurosis against the background of constant frustrations due to the discrepancy between what is desired and what is available.
There is only one option— to face real violence, real injuries or real deaths, and again, and again,and again. Then it will be clear whether the core is solid or so-so, like the “self-starting” cadres from the ubiquitous sofa expertise, who have read popular psychology and are agitating to go the “path to success” of all new lemmings. They'll hang themselves when faced with the first serious problem.
Signature: the same person who always lacked this very inner firmness.
But there is enough honesty to admit it, without pretending to be some kind of initiator-ssebyanachinator, like, for example, Semyon Gladky who answered the question. Please excuse me if I've offended anyone undeservedly. Maybe there is some kind of core under the jacket of a business-like man, which does not hide the belly that has never known hunger, and really has some kind of core.
I wanted to ask a similar question here, and what will I say to the author?
I bet you'll read the answers above, agree that they're pretty good, and you've known most of them before, and as a result, you'll get a deep bolt on them. You're just waiting for one great moment when you suddenly work hard on your dreams, start eating right, don't spend hours scrolling through the VK feed and smile a little from second-rate humor.
Nothing happens by itself. You either go to the way of life that you dream of living, or you do almost nothing for it and continue to wait for the “manna of heaven”. Even if you think that it is impossible for you to achieve the object of your dreams, it is better to at least try to achieve it, rather than ignore such an opportunity altogether.
I have two dreams: I want to become a famous writer and I also want to have money, a lot of money. I want to encourage people to do good deeds and create funds for the implementation of these deeds. But wanting is not enough, and we know it. So sometimes I try to get out of suspended animation and start working on my first book.�
#1. I already had more than a dozen” First books”, none of them exceeds the volume of 30 A4 pages. Why? Yes, because you need to be able to go to the end! Otherwise, there may not be very good consequences. For example, depression on the topic “I'm a loser”. And this is minus hours of effective activity, activities that make you better. Lost your inspiration? So look for it before it gets too far! Here it is very important, if you are a little man without a solid rod, to concentrate on one thing, because it is easier for a weak person to score two birds with one stone than to catch up with both.
#2. Money. Well, this is a vivid example of the above, when I study economics, I have no idea at all how to put together a start-up capital for some business idea of my own. It is not surprising: I do not disdain to skip a couple or two a week, I study only for the sake of it… Yes, in fact, I don't study at all. I haven't even read Marx's Das Kapital. Here are the works of “nepochatiy krai”.�
But, if money is goal # 2 and I can postpone it until goal # 1 is realized, then if I can't fulfill goal # 1, the question is asked: why, sorry, dick, do I even exist in this universe if I can't do what I really want. Most of the excuses are “Why I don't…”you come up with your own ideas! There are no unrealistic goals. There is only unrealistic work that needs to be done to achieve this goal.
So, to sum it up, in order to become a hard-core person, you just need nothing, you just need to get your ass off the couch and go to work. Set a specific goal for yourself. Do it without looking “around”. Set your goal higher and go straight to it. And people will see for themselves your “solid core” (I'm talking about moral quality, if anything).
But you won't. You will wait for the moment when a miracle will come to you. You'll be waiting a very long time. Your parents will no longer provide for you, and out of desperation you will go to work in the market, a factory, or somewhere else as a pawn working for pennies. You either work on yourself or you don't. Either you go all the way, or you just keep going in circles at the start.
You were given life, given a chance to make your dreams come true, to show yourself and give something of yourself to this world. There will be no second life. You only have one chance, one life. Remember that.
About two years ago, I was determined to change myself. To this day, three years later, I'm still pretty good at it. Here are my recommendations:
Understand and realize the purpose for which you need it. More specifics, which can be expressed in terms of dates and numbers as an option, and fewer abstract reasons and phrases.
Find relevant literature on the Internet. I recommend it with a psychological bias. Here, the best options are Robin Sharma's “The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari” (the book that made me change), Dale Carnegie's “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” (a powerful life textbook) and a couple of his other books, all easily found if you want, Stephen Covey's “7 habits of highly Effective people” and so on. This list can go on for a long time.
If necessary, change your environment. If there are people in your environment who don't want to get better and “drag” you down with them without developing, then it is better to reduce the limit of communication with them. Or cut them out of your life. Find those who are with you on the way, those who will help you and at the expense of you become better every day. If you don't want to ruin your life, stay away from those who have already ruined their own.
Come to the realization of what you really want in this life, and what you do under “some pressure”. I'll give you an example: the ability to leave a movie that you don't like, and not finish watching it because the money is paid for it; not to eat a dish in a restaurant that you don't really like, and not choke because you paid a considerable amount for it; during an unpleasant conversation, get up, turn around and leave, or just keep silent at the moment when
Learn to save your time. Learn to say no. Being able to decisively say “no” to small matters will give you the strength to say “yes” to something important. And what other people think of you shouldn't worry you.
Don't argue too much, you don't have to prove yourself right everywhere, because you've already proved it for yourself a long time, and the rest is not particularly important. If a person doesn't trust you, that's their problem, but not yours.
I think I've said it all. I hope that helps in some way. Good luck!
A few rules that I personally always remember. Many of these points are written in the blood and tears of generations, so I hope that this will be useful for you to read:
1) No one needs you except your parents.
2) In certain situations, no one will help you, and you should not hope for phantom help.
3) You are the creator of your life, and only on the decisions you make (and a little by chance) depends your life and all the events that occur in it.
4) Your main asset is your health, intelligence, skills, and character traits. Based on this, everything else is formed.
5) In a healthy body – a healthy mind. You don't have to exercise seriously, just stay in good shape.�
6) A person's environment is formed by himself and only by himself. It's not the idiots around you, but you who communicate with idiots.
7) If you do not like something, it is better to change the situation right away, until it is too late.
8) You can't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
9) If you deviate from your rules, then make up for the deviation twice.
10) If you were betrayed once , you will be betrayed again.
11) You can't live in shit. Dirt in life = dirt in the head, dirt in the head = chaos and destruction.
12) You can't do bad things to people who didn't do anything bad to you (and didn't intend to). The world is small.
13) If you have a choice – either you or a woman, then choose yourself. Women don't need disabled peopleeggarsunprincipledmadmen. If she says that “she will be with you forever with anyone” – then this is a lie.
14) Attacks on personal space should not be ignored. If you ignore it , you'll be devoured in no time.
15) Don't go after women. You will lose yourself and become a rag; women love not those who are purposefully looking for them, but those who are focused, purposeful and independent.�
16) Don't be stupid, try to think fast.
17) Be busy with something all the time. Idleness is the path to corruption.
18) Don't make a hero out of yourself when there is a chance to get irreparably injured. Don't get caught in bullets, fists, or cars.
19) Do not feel sorry for yourself when there is a choice between laziness and opportunity.
20) Be sure to rest and get a good night's sleep. A strong mind and a lot of energy is important.
21) Eat right. It is important.
22) Don't waste your money. If you have a financial stratum that can help you in case of an unforeseen situation, then your confidence will significantly increase.
23) Don't mess up your brain. Ignore unnecessary facts, don't watch TV, unsubscribe from the VK shit.
24) Remove the people who drag you down from your life. Connect with older and smarter / stronger people.
25)�There are exceptions to any rules. Being able to navigate situations is the key to winning.
If desired, you can add it, but this is the main thing.